birth story #3 <--- how do i have 3 kids already?!?

For my friends and family who have asked.
It took awhile to get this written...

Weeks of pre-labor... Not long or hard pre-labor,  but still.
Contractions for weeks.
I expected it this time since I had it with Aila, welcomed it actually since my last labor fared so well. But... contractions for weeks will wear you down. Kids will wear you down.
Every night, I'd tuck my cuties into bed Then go sit in mine- heating pad, IPad, Olympics... Check, check and check. Contractions, cramping, exhaustion... Cheeeeeeeck!

I worried that labor would progress a bit too rapidly once it began for real, and while I wasn't that freaked out about accidentally having the baby at home, the logistics of it all had me nervous. I willed myself to keep her "in" until my mom arrived on Saturday, February 15th because I needed to know that my kids were not coming with me to the hospital! I mean it too- I have this gift of deciding it is okay to let my labor kick in. She arrived Saturday evening and Sadie was born Sunday morning (just as Aila had been born 4 years ago).

It was all horribly wonderful again.

Around 11 pm, I was watching the Olympics (it was truly my nighttime ritual) and some light contractions began. They were long and pinchy, but not really painful. It almost felt like persistent  indigestion, and with my heating pad, I fell asleep not expecting much. I woke up to pee around 2 hours later, and told Aaron that I was still having some regular contractions, but went back to bed. He came to bed about 30 minutes later and AS SOON AS he got into bed, I sat upright and said "yep!"
My water had broken.

It was mostly a trickle. I checked for cord prolapse, etc. and there was none, my contractions were still mild and far apart so I told Aaron to try to sleep. He'd need to be rested for constant counter-pressure and massages though I still think he got the "better" end of the stick ;) My adrenaline kicked in so I got up and started running around doing random chores, because I didn't need rest for my marathon, I guess...

About an hour and a half went by. Contractions intensified and moved to 5-6 minutes apart. I drank my raspberry leaf tea, breathed, relaxed. Eventually I decided we'd better go (hospital is an hour away). My children stayed warm in their beds since my mom had arrived!
We left the house around 5:30 am. I was annoyed at the constant trickle of fluid,  but I was feeling relaxed and positive. On the way, we stopped at a gas station and I actually had to use the bathroom... in labor... Thank goodness no other customers were in the store to see my pained expression and amniotic fluid wet pants!It all seemed totally ridiculous.

When we arrived at the hospital, the usual stuff commenced, labor slowed down as I sat hooked to the monitor for awhile and figured out that my doctor would probably not be available because of a personal emergency. Still though, I felt calm and relaxed, if uncomfortable.
After an hour or what felt like 10, I met my new nurse Emily who was a heaven-sent, natural birth-loving doll who I could tell would advocate for me if Dr. McD didn't make it (my ob is also phenomenal, even in absentia). She got me off the monitor so I could move around and Aaron and I settled in.

Over the next hour, I alternated between side-lying and sitting on the toilet. With each contraction, I let myself go limp and breathed low and deep. Aaron was a wonderful- breathing, counter-pressures, water, support. We really knew what to expect this time.

I could feel baby moving down. Contractions continued to increase in length and intensity, which totally sucks, but is welcomed at the same time because, progress... Emily was ready for me to "jump" because of my history of transition directly into crowning and so were we. I could tell I was getting close when I started feeling panicky. When I transition, I just want everyone to get the hell off of me. Emily checked me and I wasn't complete so I got up and walked back into the bathroom. While I was in there, the labor team all showed up to set up. I just wanted to hide out in my safe little space with Aaron because everything was so intense. My legs started shaking so I asked Aaron to pin them down as I sat on the toilet and leaned back to relax. It is so hard to relax when you are shaking uncontrollably. "I just want it to be over" I remember saying through tears, but I also knew we were getting there.

I had been in the bathroom for ten minutes or so, feeling baby get progressively lower, my hips feel wider, my contractions blend together. The house ob, a tiny soft-voiced lady poked her head in and said "do you think maybe we should get you to the bed?" They were really worried about a toilet baby... I looked at Aaron and actually laughed. "Promise I won't drop her in the toilet, okay?" ob lady retreated.

3 more days minutes and I knew we were there. I nodded "okay!" and Aaron helped me back to the bed. She was crowning as I crawled onto the bed.
 Burning! Stretching! Pressure!!!

I was on all fours as Emily and Dr. W, my ob's coverage doc (bless him) BOTH asked me how I wanted to deliver. Part of me tucked this away as something to appreciate later, but at the time I felt like I couldn't move. Baby's head was lodged between my legs and I just didn't see how i was going to get my legs under me to squat like I had planned. I froze, wide-eyed and overwhelmed and yelled "this is fine!" They cranked up the back of the bed so I had something to lean on. I went up to as kneeling position and reached down to feel baby's head- there was so much pressure and I had a really hard time not gasping for breaths.
Aaron was at my right reassuring me and everyone encouraged me to relax and push when I was ready.

Somewhere inside, I  pulled some energy and grunted and pushed and it felt like she shot out. That tremendous force was 'just' her head (her poor face had some bruising later because of her rapid descent). I pushed one more time and the rest of her emerged.
Tears! Relief! I heard her angel cries and leaned forward over the bed sobbing, so overwhelmed and tired. How the world can change with two pushes!!

I turned around and sat on the bed so I could see her for the first time.
My absolutely beautiful and perfect Sadie.
7 lbs, 7 ounces of blessing.
It was 8:48 am.

She snuggled into me for immediate skin-to-skin and latched on. I had forgotten how tiny those little searching mouths are. Eventually the cord was cut, I pushed out the placenta and was cleaned up, but she remained in my arms. No one rushed me and everyone was on a birth high. I had a very small tear but was given the choice to stitch it or leave it. I just waved my hand "it's fine". That was that.

The hospital was renovating the birth suites, so we changed rooms after a couple of hours of rest. I walked, holding Sadie, and as we passed the nursing station, they all smiled and congratulated me and honestly looked a little surprised to see me up. I felt fantastic- energetic and little to no discomfort aside from the raging afterbirth pains (holy $#%*) that come out of nowhere- definitely worse with each subsequent child.

She slept all afternoon and cluster-fed all night, a pattern that would die hard... and we went home the next morning. I never needed a sitz-bath, ice pack or anything stronger than ibuprofen once we left the hospital and I couldn't have asked for a better birth. The other day, Aaron casually mentioned that Sadie was the easiest birth. I giggled as if he could know and said she actually was not. I guess I have  just gotten better at what he calls the zen master skills!

After I delivered Aila, I always said I didn't feel "finished"- that we would probably have another baby. I am not sure, but this might be it for us- we feel complete(er) if that makes sense. Here, 9 weeks out, it feels like she was always here. One day she looks like her big sister and then the next day like her brother, but I already see tiny glimpses of the little girl she will become. She is going to be fantastic :)

i'm no kate upton

so my assets are not what they used to be.
it's a given after the two kids. maybe someday after i know i am done stretching out my entire midsection, i will give serious thought to making it pretty again, but it seems like an awful lot of work to just go mess it all up again if i am re-impregnated.
the boobs?
well i  think i am screwed there- i really miss my pre-nursing boobs even though i am proud of the ladies doing their job.
but my "lower half" definitely spared better than the top half, at least the parts that weren't directly exposed to an emergent crying alien ( i won't even go there, but seriously, the post-baby private part situation is something no one warns you about). anyway, my butt is reasonably okay still and i think A likes it because he swats it quite often in passing.

that is so flirtatious, right? i think i broke up with my first boyfriend at age 11and after 1 day of our serious relationship because he did that.

 

so i assume that maybe i can use his butt admiration to my advantage and acentuate the positive from time to time in the single pair of leggings that i own. i bought them almost a full year ago and  i wear them around the house with the frequency at which i wear any of my other comfy pants. i don't even cover them with major sweathsirt action.

i can be flirtatious too you know.

so.
last night i was wearing them and A asked me "when did you buy those pants?"
did you catch that? he has NEVER NOTICED ME WEARING THEM BEFORE.
so much for emphasizing the booty. it has escaped notice for A WHOLE YEAR.

psssht. i don't even know what to think now. there is nothing else to emphasize.

"Now, this'll be a straight walk-off, old school rules"

last weekend i got to spend some quality time with my very dashing husband! it was a wedding weekend for friends and we were invited on the "party bus" because they didn't get the memo that we are thirty-something and incapable of looking anything but tired when we drink more than two glasses of wine...

luckily we took all the pictures before that, or at least during.

i am a fan of being a tourist at home so it was really great to stroll through the City Garden and be inspired to create works of photographic art that would give Zoolander and his blue steel a serious run for his money.

 

unfortunately my shoe makers didn't get the memo that a sole is supposed to be wide enough to keep your pinky toe from sliding off to be held sling-like by the pleather of your sling-backs and my poor poor feet lost feeling somewhere around the Pinocchio statue.

 

Ignore the corsage- when you sing a wedding you get to pretend it's prom

 

but because i am a trooper, and because the shoes looked fabulous, i pressed on. i will walk in any shoes to get a day away with my husband!

plus... wedding cake.

and just for kicks, i thought i'd link up with Harper's Happenings for Steppin' Out Saturday even though i posted this on a day that was NOT saturday. but hey, the actual stepping out is so fleeting these days so...

On Me-
Dress: Old (Dillards) - Shoes: Old (don't even remember where they are from) - Purse: Old (Payless)
good thing these things were in my closet because i FORGOT to get my beautious and thrifted 'planned on wearing dress' altered. i am 96% certain that i will never throw this dress out because it has both polka dots AND pockets, which is exactly what every 80 year old woman still needs.

On Him-
Shirt: American Living - Tie: Tommy Hilfiger - Pants: Dockers - Shoes: Sperry

what do you get when you cross an inferno with a leaky mattress and tired muscles?

last weekend my lover (we have referred to each other as 'lover' on every vacation since we saw an old 'west virginia is for lovers' t-shirt in west virginia once. incidentally we have looked for that t-shirt on every trip since) and i went on a camping trip.
we even went alone. what, what, what?

yep- a.lone. for four days.
i missed the kiddos terribly, but it was blissful.
or at least blissful in the only ways that camping in 190 degree weather can be.
we used to camp all the time before we had kids, but we haven't been in about 6 years. fortunately, it is like riding a bike. it was pretty much like all the last times except this time we played a significant amount of 'jet pack' on the iphone. 6 years ago, i am fairly sure we both rocked some variation of a flip-phone and totally thought we were up on the latest technology. we might have been and there were no apps for that.
.

after the first two nights of leaking air mattresses and the loudest insect symphony you can even imagine, we may have thrown in the towel and reserved an air conditioned cabin for the last night.

i'm not even afraid to admit it, because it turns out that when we camped and traveled all over the united states while we were students, it was less about fun and more about being broke! now that we can actually afford to stay in a hotel, we MAY be spoiled...

nevertheless, we had a GREAT time. we hiked more miles than i have walked this year, swam in cool mountain lakes and pretended we were 19 again.

and also, arkansas... who freaking knew?! gorgeous.

have you heard, arkansas too is for lovers ;)

there i was just channeling my inner 'bambi'

i don't know what got into me yesterday.
i think maybe just the lovely spring air, but anyway, i was like a little frolicking deer shaking off the winter fuzz.
IF little frolicking deer did round off- back handsprings like they were a 16 year old gymnast again... i was outside with the kiddos and just felt the urge to tumble. it had seriously been at least 7 years since i last purposely went head over tail.

maybe i was just trying to impress my husband (though it would have been better in my old cheerleading skirt).
pause- i am 31 years old.
before i did it, i thought about how sore i would be today but i did it anyway.

and you know what? it wasn't half bad.
and i wasn't sore this morning at all. though last night my right hip went into a lovely spasm a whole 2 hours post-flip and i got a little worried. then when sciatica began coursing down my rear i started to curse my springtime springiness, but thankfully it worked itself out.

and then today at about 10 am... i freaking fell down my stairs!
not even joking- THAT is what tumbling really looks like- and it was not pretty. there was nothing cute and doe-like about it.
and now i hurt like hell.
you know what got into me today?

Arnica.
and irony.

remember the days where you would just spend hours staring at each other

It happens. If you are a parent I think you can probably relate.

Though you can be completely smitten with your spouse after any number of years, sometimes you just have no time for each other.

A and I have not had a real conversation in days- a few words here and there about schedules, kids and a few "I love you" texts have had to suffice.

Life.

But it bears mention that I am indeed giddy about my husband most of the time and one of these days may bring a date night or week, at least here's hoping. And here's proof that we as a couple exist as more than parents in this house :)

These pictures are YEARS old but I just received them from a friend- the friend whose wedding we were attending and I thought they were fun. Happy weekend friends. I hope you get to enjoy your other half!

did we ever leave??

This last weekend, my husband was the chosen director/conductor for a state honor choir and he was amazing as always. The concert was actually held where we went to grad school together so I spent the day driving around and visiting all the old haunts and thrifting while he rehearsed.

It's strange how much a place can just transport you back- pull out memories- and make you smile or cry. I have not been there in almost 7 years and it is the SAME.

Although it was my very very easiest two years of school, it was also my hardest. I missed my girlfriends. I missed the theatre. I missed my old routine, my old city, my family.
I missed my boyfriend.

He was there with me, except he wasn't. While I had two years of academic coasting with self study, thesis writing and sleeping in, he had his most ridiculous, hardest and humbling two years ever. He was a very different A than I had known before and the whole experience was very hard on our relationship.
We questioned our plans, our paths and ourselves.

So really, it's strange, because I sure felt a lot of nostalgia for a place I liked so little. While driving and walking around with the old college breeze on my face I even saw our old landlady... seriously. She was in her truck smoking her same cigarette and wearing the same sour expression over her make-up.
My my my how the world keeps turning when you move on!

And that is why I think I smile on this place now, because even though it was a dim(mer) spot in my history, it marks an integral part of A and my relationship, crucial even...
This was the place where we realized our "perfect" romance has some faults. Where we thought about losing each other.
Where we didn't.
This place was where we stopped being kids and started life. Where we realized that a storybook is only interesting if the plot thickens and that true love stories can't end, but will certainly move forward.
This place was where we cast off our independence on each other but still clung to our future together- and that is a great place- comfortable in our our skins, strong enough to face a future alone, but better, much much better together!

but i didn't want sirens showing up at my place of business......

so i give up.

i officially am throwing in the heinous detox towel today. i simply can't do it anymore aaaand i am fairly sure that if i was not a healthcare professional and "know what i am doing" (i would be a terrible patient btw), i would've officially checked into the ER last night.

out of nowhere i started feeling really off- i mean really truly weird- like i was wasted, but not in a fun we're half naked on spring break kind of thing. dizzy and fuzzy around the edges. i was even running into stuff. the first thought- brain tumor.
laugh if you will, but that is where my mind (tumor-free or not) always goes because my family grows brain tumors. it's a fact- i am sure my mom is in a textbook somewhere with a black bar across her eyes.

second thought- aaron poisoned me.
no i'm kidding. i didn't think that, but i did wonder if that sparkling cranberry juice sample that came in the mail was laced with something.

third and final thought- this damn, freaking, piece of shit, stupid detox has got to stop.
my electrolytes had to be out. of. whack.
i did it to myself because i was still doing the "diet" and taking the supplements but i started bailing on the shakes, which are kind of what keeps everything in balance even though you are messing with everything else. they are gross and i couldn't drink anymore so bam. wandering drunkenly around my house after two minions.

i am detoxed enough- the final count: 15 days (if you don't count the gatorade that i drank last night and the handful of salty tortilla chips to "restore myself"- it worked btw- i felt better within an hour) of no grains, no dairy, no sugar. no seeds or nuts or red meat or processed foods. no fun. no chicken or even fish for 11 days. 875 disgusting shakes- i might be exagerrating that total. 900 dollars worth of produce and juice- that is probably true. 9 pounds. 3 days of headaches. no more chemicals in me but no fun.

i have smiled more today than in two weeks, but i am not sure if that's because my body feels better in its new no-toxin state or because i am eating lasagna for dinner (with a salad- geesh don't judge).

and then there was one

and here i am, officially into the last phase of detox- i am now allowed 2-4 3oz servings of chicken and fish per day. the rest is the same.
i am bored.

the shakes- still gross. i honestly can't even get myself to drink a third, sometimes even a second per day..... i could add more juice to make them taste better, but then i am injecting myself into an instant sugar high. the lentils- totally sick of them. i couldn't eat a single lentil yesterday. but the meat? truly the meat addition is earth shattering- and totally detox shattering for my husband.

he had one taste of meat and fell.off.the.wagon--- completely! last night it rained and rained and his softball league got cancelled. i didn't have anything planned for dinner so we went out. i ate a yummy cajun whitefish fillet, fresh green beans and brown rice pilaf with water and generally stayed the course. he abandoned me and ordered a BURGER and FRIES and a COKE and then we stopped at the grocery store so he could buy cheese and cookies and milk..... i mean go big or go home, right?? that is actually not the reason we stopped but he sure took advantage :)

and me. bored.
alone in the quest with lots of days to go. i am over halfway done actually but still i like to mope.

i am so thankful that he decided to do phase I with me, it truly would have been impossible by myself. and we tried lots of new vegetarian things (that have no grains involved).
and he lost like 10 pounds.
and really, he has been a trooper.
but should i tell him that he is just gonna undo the detox if he keeps up the food bender????

i should have just jumped in the car with the roadside assistance guy

perhaps the total tire blow out on the way to the cardinal game was an omen. if you shred the tire on the interstate, just cancel your evening plans because i assure you that even if you think positively and be thankful that "at least i wasn't by myself", "at least we weren't on vacation", "at least we aren't in the ghetto" etc. the rest of the night is already shot to crap.
it is predestination at its greatest.
but i will get to that.

two days ago, aaron asked the very benign question, "you wanna go to the game on wednesday?" and without hesitation, i agreed. he has two standing free tickets to almost all the games, which is admittedly a very great perk of being a high school baseball coach. we are still coming down off of the child induced insanity of road trip 2011 so i figured we could both use a night of togetherness and maybe beer, even though it feels like the depths of hades outside. (it seriously does by the way- this is the 7th 100 degree+ day this month)
who would have thought he meant ALL of us? because truly, what kind of masochist takes two squirming whiners to a game to warm your lap to a balmy 900 degrees?? that would be us folks- turns out, for this very special occasion, he had four tickets- woot woot!

so anyway. we got ready for the game- and i briefly questioned my decision to wear white shorts to a game with my children but moved past it because a) i like to live dangerously and b) they are my longest pair and will allow me to avoid the disgusting sweat slicked seat scenario....

then we left. all went well until the tire situation. i will say again- thank goodness i was not alone! though i feel confident in my tire changing abilities, my car is a different story- you should really have to pass a test to own it because it was unlike anything i have ever seen before! aaron is a rockstar tire changer and car pusher and overall damsel in distress rescuer so i left him to his own devices as N asked me about 460 times, what was going on and if we would be late for the game as if that would be a bad thing. as soon as the last thingamajigger was tightened, roadside assistance showed up and assisted aaron in deciding that the spare needed a little more air. phew- crisis averted. back on the road.

fast forward to the game. our tickets were at will-call and we had to walk all the way around the stadium to retrieve them which frankly was like crossing the river styxx to descend into hell. as soon as we were seated (good free seats actually so thanks for that) N had to poop and A decided she had to eat the cracker jacks that belonged to the nice family next door. thus began the up-down, sit-stand, eat-spill cycle that is america's favorite pastime kid edition. i still do not know who won the game.

at one point the little girl behind us offered suckers to both my kids- though they were sweet pacifiers, A was completely covered in sticky by the time i ripped it from her hands. to make it interesting, we also had a giant tantrum over ice cream, pooped our pants and puked on mommy... i will let you decide who did what, but none of them were me. eventually we kinda ran away from the stadium to avoid dropping the kids off at will-call to say thanks for the tickets. aaron mentioned it being the worst game experience ever but honestly it is not so different from the last time so i guess we'll never learn. some disgustingly marred articles of clothing MAY have been left in various bathroom trash cans but miraculously my white shorts are still unscathed- take that universe!

N's "gesture" which is actually the way he points :/ really truly!

let's just say the US National Team has not come calling

I make grand plans.
Every once and awhile, they really come together but sometimes, not so much.

A friend of mine just mentioned on facebook that she was starting the Couch to 5K  training program and this blog post is what my response to her would have been if I could put obnoxiously long statements in the "comment" box.
I wanted to say "YEAH! Count me in" because secretly I have always wanted to be that cute little jogger bopping effortlessly down the road with my ponytail and my Ipod and the running short clad tight a$$.... but that is just. not. me.

I was a gymnast- well first I was a dancer and then a gymnast and then I returned to dancing but that is not important. Gymnasts are programmed for speed and quick bursts of energy, not for long-term running so you see, my muscles are all "fast-twitch" (there is your physiology lesson for the day- you are welcome) and therefore I am destined to not run.
:) I think the argument is scientifically sound, even if I have not been that little tumbler for quite some time.

So anyway- I could have agreed to take part in the program because support is good, right? Maybe if I committed to running with other people, my perfectionist tendencies would kick in and I would vow to not be outdone..... but all I could think of was what happened "last time".
I am a good wife. At least I think so and hopefully my husband agrees, and I don't care much if anyone else thinks so. Aaron has mentioned multiple times how it would be so "fun" if he and I could go running together. Cast all the potential logistical problems with babysitters and schedules aside as well as the fact that we could bike together too but haven't since before N was born. Isn't it sweet? We could be that envied Ipod clad, tight-a$$ed running COUPLE if only the old broken wife would get off her tail!

So I decided to start running and I didn't tell him. I was going to surprise him and sign us up for a 5k together because he (the bastard) IS a runner. Let the enormity of this ruse sink in for a minute..... ME running.... plus, this scenario is nearly impossible to pull off. I am home with the kids two full days a week and on the other three days, I work- sometimes in the house and sometimes out. How do you incorporate a running regime into that madness without telling your partner??
Well, the answer is, you don't. I ran for the first two weeks of the program.

My name is Jo and I am a quitter.
Sigh.
It was an uphill battle- one day I actually ran INSIDE the house because it was literally pouring rain for an entire week. This would be fine if we had a treadmill, but we don't! I was sore for three days because ankles don't like to run in tight circles for 20 minutes. Any neighbors seeing me zip past the window 78 times in a few minutes would have to wonder what the hell I was running from.... surely if I were escaping from robbers or ghosties I would leave the house, right? I was laughing at the hilarity of it but determined to succeed.
The next running day was outside. We live among some hills. And when I say hills, I mean it- our area is not flat AT ALL. So I did like any veteran runner would do and ran willy nilly through the town avoiding the large inclines. Unfortunately, I kept coming up on this freaking street cleaner...... He just kept finding my street and blowing huge quantities of debris and dust up in the precious air (that I may or may not have been gasping for) and I was getting seriously mad!! Finally as he turned down my street for the 6,000th time I just gave up. I turned around and walked home. And that was the end.

I blame the weather and the unnaturally clean city streets, but I am still not a runner. The 5k came and went without us and I never told my husband (we'll see if he reads my blog). So I guess he'll just have to be satisfied with the broken down me- I don't have an Ipod anyway!

Honey is Sleeping on the Couch

I woke this morning VERY upset with my husband.

What kind of person comes into your precious (and as a sleep-deprived mom, rather rare) dreams and cheats on you?! Wow my dreams seem really real!

It wasn't really his fault that I was mad- he didn't really DO anything other than break my sleeping heart, the cheating bastard. But seriously I am m.a.d. at him and I think that is pretty funny. I immediately tried to snuggle myself into a good mood this morning and he being asleep kinda shrugged me off so it was as good as an admission of infidelity to my mood.

Has this ever happened to anyone? I find it amusing that my dreams can set the tone for the day but also a little scary- I mean, am I now under pressure to create wonderful dreams too?? I thought it was bad enough to maintain the illusion of keeping a perfect house and family during my waking hours- what's a girl to do? 

So anyway, I just thought it worth mentioning that my husband can even tick me off in his sleep.
When I go to bed tonight I must remember to think positive thoughts and dream happy so I am in a good mood tomorrow and A can get off the couch and come back to my bed :)


Note: I do not mean to make light of a serious situation and my heart goes out to people who have truly been touched by this.