Wednesday, April 16, 2014

I bring this post to you from hysteria

Here she is.
My blessing, my smiling angel, my newest sleep-stealing bundle of absolute joy.

I am so tired.
I knew that this would be hard. The whole born-in-the-first-half-of-the-semester thing... And while A. keeps assuring me that she hasn't suffered from my teaching two days a week, I sure as hell have.
I am feeling almost hostile toward moms with maternity leave, so you know, almost every mom I know. I took 3 DAYS off of lecture and then jumped back in. And maybe if it was just that, I'd be sane, but I am also trying to see patients. Seeing patients out of my house requires a clean house. A clean house with a newborn and two older kids and a dog and a half-crazed, sleep deprived and disheveled mom, and a dad who is gone almost every night because we had this baby during baseball season...
She nurses non-stop.
A side note, I guess. It illustrates exactly how much time I have to be a hands-on good mom to the big kids. Or a competent employee. Or a professional doctor. Or cook and do dishes.
I feel like I am drowning.
There are 3 weeks left to the semester- I have the calendar memorized. I could make the commute in my sleep, which is good since I have probably done this involuntarily...
I am forgetting conversations, crying randomly and beating myself up all day long.
And she is so worth it.

Monday, August 19, 2013

times go by so.... NOT slowly

I will post again tomorrow when the reality sets in that I have two kiddos off at school- I am ready for it, but not. I never planned on sending Aila to preschool when she was only 3, but financially, we just couldn't say no because our (awesome) school has a great deal for families. So tomorrow, the alarm will again be set and this time I will be shuttling two precious pieces of cargo off for someone else to love on. This is just the catalyst I need to start blogging again :) It has been a really long summer with lots of things to post about, but my laptop is perpetually cranky and won't upload pictures to Blogger... it has been enough to turn me off! But for a Back to School survey, I had to see what I could do. I asked the same questions of Nolan as last year, but for Aila, we are all new.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Scientist!
Where do you want to live?  Illinois- he said I am allowed to visit whenever I want
What kind of car will you drive? I'll paint it myself- a Skylander car
Are you going to get married? Yes
Will you have babies? Yes- a boy and a girl
What's your favorite color? Red and Blue
What's your favorite food? Roasted Broccoli!!! and also Roast Beef- he likes to roast
What's your favorite thing to do? Go to the park
What's your favorite TV show or movie? Super Mario Brothers (staying power) and Sponge Bob (puke)

What do you want to be when you grow up? Princess Belle
Where do you want to live? With Renee' ("the neighbor with the grandpa and that's where i want to live")
What kind of car will you drive? A purple one
Are you going to get married? Yes
Will you have babies? Yes- a girl (named Alyssa)
What's your favorite color? Purple and Pink
What's your favorite food? Bread
What's your favorite thing to do? Go swimming
What's your favorite TV show or movie? Princess shows and the Tinkerbell movie

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

pray for my soul and the souls of moms everywhere

sometimes i feel like going to Walmart is a part-time job because of how long it takes to get through it with two children hanging off the cart.

seriously, if there is a purgatory, i think it is probably one GIANT Walmart with a huge shopping list and borrowed children that number in the 100s. you would literally be there for 600 years unless enough people prayed for your poor soul and you could start scratching things off the list. and then you'd roll up to the gates of heaven looking all haggard in your yoga pants with pasty skin and a greasy ponytail and be like, "now?? can i come in now?" maybe all the time i spend in Walmart now will cut a few days off for me later.

anyway, meanwhile... in Walmart.
sometimes when we are shopping and N is helping me 'push' the cart he nearly maims innocent passersby so i keep him on a pretty tight leash (metaphorically speaking). yesterday was no exception and as i stopped to pick out eggs, he kept pushing. when i told him to "stop, stay here" he started to swing the cart around into a suspecting woman- i say suspecting, because she seemed to anticipate her demise by cart pretty accurately. so i took two steps, grabbed the cart and repeated "stop, stay here" followed by "N, you are going to knock someone out if you are not careful" and then i hunched up my shoulders and turned ready to receive the stink eye from the suspecting woman.
only she smiled at me.

and then she said, "you are a good momma"

and i had no words. for once, someone was not judging a tired mom in a store with her stir-crazy kids? every time i am at the store i see some old lady stare down a young mom whose child is crying or whose kid is singing their ABCs a bit too loud (exhibit B is us) and it always makes me frown. and now i think i might be jaded, because for a second, i thought she was joking.

i am convinced that motherhood is the only job that if given a compliment on your skills, you just think someone is messing with you...

but i think maybe she was serious, and she can't possible know how good that felt or how i thought about it all evening long. i hope God was watching- surely that was good for a few years off my purgatory total :)

Wednesday, February 27, 2013