Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Maybe that's why the birds fled the nest.......

I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day, 5
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain. 10
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

-Joyce Kilmer

Today I mourn my poor fallen birch! I feel I might be unreasonably sad at its toppling but seriously.... I am moping:(
This is THE tree at our first home. I mean, we have others, but this was the cool one- the big shady one- the decorative one. Sometime between 8 am and 10 am this morning, the front half cut loose and tumbled. It must have been in the street because someone just kinda tossed the broken branches back up into our yard. Upon further inspection, we saw that the inside of the tree is mulch- eaten by termites!! It is like a freaking cartoon- monster bugs eating my tree until it falls down.... so that means the bushy beautiful back side had to come down too. Without the front side to counter it, a storm could send it crashing through my house, which I am MORE attached to than the tree.
It was such a pretty thing- white paper birch with the beautiful strips that come off in pieces. I gathered some large ones that I am going to get all artsy on and we will immortalize a part of our first place. It should be pretty neat but I would rather have the tree- and the 100 smacks we paid to drop the "strong" half. ~~~~~Sigh~
But- the day was not without good points too. My husband declared that I shouldn't worry about his virgin attempt with a chainsaw because "it's just like my weed eater and blower". I mean, I am no major yardsman but I don't think it is the same thing at all..... the blower will not blow your leg off no matter how menacing it sounds! My kids also had a great time watching the axe men out side the window. It just looks so empty out there- we need a trip to the tree nursery asap. But maybe first we need to tackle the termite problem. I am envisioning them forming a giant arrow like the cartoons- pointing toward my house. "Come on fellas- they took our tree- we're moving on to the house!"
I need a good exterminator...

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Loves and Loathes: Edition Uno

I love being out and about on a Friday night- whether it be date night or just having the family with me to run errands and grab some dinner, it doesn't matter. I love it! It makes the weekend feel soooo much longer. So here I sit totally rested (bahahahahaha) on a sunny Saturday and I can hardly believe we still have the entire weekend ahead of us. Last night we went to Target and Whole Foods (and Old Navy where I got in on the infamous tank sale one day early cause I am kind of a big deal- or a facebook fan, whatever) and we ate at O'Charleys where I also love because the kids eat gloriously free- chicken, macaroni and cheese, broccoli that never came but i didn't complain because their dinner was free.... wondrous. It was a strategic coupon trip and though I am by no means a super couponer, you can get some seriously sweet deals at those two places because they accept a store coupon in addition to an outside coupon on all their items. That got me some $.44 salad dressing, $.50 lotion, $.35 kids band-aids, etc. But you know when it doesn't work?? When the super slow and old check out guy looks straight at you and you hold a stack of coupons up and he hits total without scanning then...... yeah not so great! So one of my loathes is definitely marching to customer service so that the pissed off  sad "customer service" rep can fix the mistake. She was not nice at all and it was not my fault, but I am sorry Target- not going to waste my $14 in savings- if it was just a few dollars, maybe, but I had to do it out of principle.

So while I am on it, I loathe crabby people. I know I know, right? I tend to fall on the crabby side on "occasion"- I prefer to think of my moodiness as multifaceted personality disorder- not multiple personalities, but varied enough to keep it interesting. I totally just made up a new psych term- look for it soon. Okay digression (another love) over. Crabby people- especially those you are trying to pay. A and I just went for an early morning walk- no one else is awake so I thought we'd just take a stroll and see if there were any good garage sales and grab some fruit at the Farmer's Market (ooh ahh we can walk to the farmer's market). Well there weren't and the market was closed for business because we were 15 minutes early...... that's right country folks- don't wait on the little blond girl over there pushing a baby stroller- she is EARLY! I was just walking through and this lady sitting behind her little table said "starts at 8". So we walked away- would it have been a travesty that money was handed over, veggies selected, smiles exchanged- yes because around these parts, the market doesn't open until 8....

But we are home now and N is up and I love Saturday breakfasts though I should probably get a plan and cook something now that 3/4 of us are up- the other 1/4 probably won't roll out till 10- it was a late night of online gaming (I know.... dork ;). Maybe some English Muffins and eggs--- oooo maybe eggs benedict..... that sounds lovely. I will make sure to post it at Dr-Momma Gourmet. We will also be attending a barbq today so it sounds like a good eating day overall.

So there- some loves and loathes on a Saturday.
Hope you all have a supremely great weekend!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

good thing my uber-coolness makes up for these things

today i wore THOSE shoes. i was pretty excited when i pulled them from the dark recesses of my closet where they had been in exile. i totally forgot about them- they are cute little open toe wedges. and they are denim- all good things. unfortunately they match about two things in my closet, which seems odd since jeans go with everything if they are on my rear, why not on my feet too? anyway- i finally found an outfit that worked and my husband even said the i was p.h.a.t. when i left the house- he really said that. at first, i thought he said fab and being a compliment from a handsome man, i would take either.
so those shoes- it took about five minutes to remember why they had been stowed away for so long- they freaking kill my feet. it makes zero sense- they are a low wedge and they seem comfy enough at first step. i didn't even have to lecture, just sit at my desk and give an exam so no big deal- i left them on.
and then when i was walking down the steps into the building, one of them FELL OFF- my shoe flat out fell off. i am not new to walking- in fact, i am known to many as a former dancer and can in fact be pretty coordinated. i thought maybe it was a fluke until the other shoe fell off mid step- what the hell? are the damn things possessed? did the spirits leave my house for asylum in my shoes (my house is supposed to be haunted... remind me sometime to post about the random lady who showed up at my door asking me if i needed help dealing with my "spirits"- true story/another post).
so by then i am totally paranoid that i am going to fall at every other step and the ones between i am wincing in pain. screw these stupid, deceivingly comfortable at first, cute little devil shoes! once i am seated, the hour passes uneventfully- i almost forget about them.
then it is time to go- i lose the left shoe AGAIN coming down the steps and then.... i am walking through a CROWD of students and get a full-on SHOE FLOP....... do you know what a shoe flop is? we coined the term in college for when the edge of your shoe catches the pavement wrong and your entire ankle flops sideways.... this is coincidentally the last time these shoes were probably worn. my best friend once shoe flopped right into a light pole and we were sober- another true story. when you shoe flop- there is an unspoken rule that you have to turn around and pretend to look at the huge crevice that you stepped in. and i did. i glared at that 2mm crack in the pavement like it actually broke my mamma's back! luckily, i am quite suave and i am sure that i made the shoe flop look cool.....
the shoes carried me safely home without further incident, but i am blistered and wondering HOW i was able to dance in those things at one time (the memories of that came rushing back post-shoe flop so maybe i uncovered some unconscious denim wedge animosity). they are now banished again to the island of misfit shoes until a day that i just have to stand and be eye candy.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Unexpected Pains

the following is a response to The Red Dress Club: RemebeRed Prompt
"the first time I ___________ after ___________"

anticipation. worry.
i walk down the familiar hall- my favorite sage green walls are usually such a soothing color. seriously, when did this normally six step runway become so very long. the knot in my stomach is solid and heavy and the cramps have kicked in.

i gingerly lower myself down and wince from fear. sitting should be like breathing- effortless. and yet.... there is a very large effort here.

there is no glamour.
this is the first poop after a vaginal childbirth.

(i'll give you a second to collect yourself)

to contract half of your pelvic floor is simply impossible. stupid body- why doesn't it realize that most of my girly parts are plain. worn. out. and stretched and ashen and well.... gross.
stretching. stinging.
smiling, because i did it! seriously, am i excited about pooping?

nobody prepares you for the weird "after" stuff. you are ready to kiss and love and nurture. to not sleep and not bathe. nobody told me that i would feel raw and swollen. that at night when i stumbled blindly to the bathroom after sleeping deeply for an entire 20 straight minutes, i would start myself awake with the pain of sitting on a toilet too quickly. and to actively push through that madness--- i put it off for a long as possible.

of course now in retrospect, it all seems quite obvious- if you push a watermelon through a cherry-sized space, the area is going to be a little angry. i teach anatomy even- it doesn't matter. i was not prepared- but i was successful :)

i thought a long time about what to write for this prompt and i couldn't help but come back to this in all its tmi glory. maybe it's all the recent births around me, but if you've been there, done that- you understand.

Monday, June 20, 2011

what did i do all day you ask??

when my alarm went off at 5:30, i must say i was not as cheery as i could have been.
i was pretty tired because it was a monday and i was coming off the weekend schedule of.... wait no.... there is no real "weekend" mom schedule. the whopping extra hour of sleep does not even fake my body into thinking i am well-rested. so while dads get to sleep in because they works so hard all week long, moms get up early- i guess it is punishment for getting to stay home all week with insane little mutants that wake with the sun but i digress. actually with it being father's day- they totally deserved to sleep in yesterday!

so i was super happy to be awake. the up-side is that i did get a shower and an entire hour to myself. since i am teaching for a couple hours each morning this summer, i actually get to get ready and look something other than exhausted- this equates to having real shoes and make-up on though one of my students told me i looked like i was sick today, so that brought my self-esteem down a bit- i had left the house feeling a solid 4/10 on the hotness scale.

i arrived home child-free because mondays are my "patient days" the one day of the week when the kids go to daycare so that i can make people feel better. well it turns out, i am damn good at my job. i have a very very small practice (by choice) and wouldn't you know it.... all my patients feel good and don't need me very often. is there such a thing as being too good? maybe-- because i have an empty schedule. but wait- i am not upset because that means i have SIX HOURS TO MYSELF.... seriously did you hear that? SIX FREAKING QUIETLY BLISSFUL HOURS!!!!! my mood improved significantly. one should not be this excited to do housework and grocery shop--- i used to be cool. and maybe a 6/10

anyway as i was saying, i am alone and so i cram as much into these days as humanly possible and i glance at the clock about every 15 minutes and do the math as to how much longer i have until i retrieve the kiddos. in case you are wondering, i now have about 1 hour and 37 minutes remaining- i have been to the grocery store and bank, vacuumed the upstairs, cleaned ours and our childrens' rooms,  sorted the mail, started dinner, picked up the downstairs, put laundry away and updated my facebook status (only once). i guarantee the first thing my husband will wonder when he gets home is how i had time to spend the entire day on facebook and not get the dishes done... but bless his heart, he will not ask. i think my days without my children are busier than the other 6 during the week and though they are also less stressful and quiet, i probably don't smile as much (on the outside- on the inside i am salsa dancing)

Saturday, June 18, 2011

dear mind- please take a picture

my goodness.

sometimes i can't believe how stinking cute my baby A is..... she really isn't a "baby" anymore if you get stuck on that kind of thing, and that is exactly why she is so. darn. cute.

it is all about the simplest of things: watching her point to everything with her inquiring little sigh and shake her head no if she doesn't want a cup of milk- it's watching her stack books and marvel over how the pages actually turn- it's giggling at her new found need to hold TWO of everything so that if she finishes her cracker (or drops it down the heating vent like today) she is frantic to fill her empty hand with another. she is blissful anywhere. she is bliss to watch.

this age is when the personality really starts to shine through (and believe me, she has some ground to cover to keep up with her silly silly big brother) and i see a sassy glimpse of the terrible toddlerness that is to come. i know it will come- in fact i forget what it is like to just plain enjoy my kids all the time because i am endlessly correcting, corralling and soothing the perpetual insanity of my three year old. like i said, i know it is coming- i just hope that when we get there- in the throes of tantrums and attitudes that i can close my eyes and remember what her sweet days were like.

something tells me i will remember

Monday, June 13, 2011

magic moments monday- expectant mother edition (not me disclaimer)

oh my word- i cannot get used to my new schedule. i am working on mondays for the first time in a seriously LOOOOOONG time because of summer session. i will get back on eventually but right now my brain is all confused!!
BUT alas, it is monday- and even if my body doesn't know it is monday, it did know that we had a seriously great weekend! so good that i didn't take any pictures for my magic monday post.

instead, here is a flashback picture from this time last year. that is one of my besties, J, with my (then) brand new baby! 

J is gonna have her own tiny little girl VERY VERY soon,
 and i hope she is not upset with me for sharing ;)

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Parenting a stunt woman

Well I think it is safe to say that we have reached THAT stage.... the one where you fear for your child's life because he or she bounces off the floor about 100 times per minute. For the non-math majors out there, that is more than once per second.

She must have guardian angels at all edges because just walking across the room will randomly result into a header into the fireplace or the wall. The head makes a VERY loud sound when it smacks into stone- but maybe not as loud as my thudding heart as soon as I hear the collision. I feel like I am constantly checking her for signs of concussion. I fear that someone will acuse me of abuse. I know this will pass because we've been here before, but I forgot how CRAZY they are. She is 14 months old.

She is bruised and scratched and still trying to be Evil Knievel. Besides the forementioned walking, she also likes to climb. You name it, she's climbed it- the current favorite is to push (literally she will push it all the way across the room if need be) a chair or toy and then climb onto the toybox where she also has access to the couch. All fun and games until she throws herself off like a skydiver. She also likes to STAND on her rocking horse- maybe she has a future in the circus------
(pause- I just had to pick up her crying self because she bounced off the tv shelf)
I wish I could wrap her in bubble wrap!

But I can't catch her ;)

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Moody Me

I am in A MOOD.
I loathe moods and yet here I sit, scowling at the screen, knowing I need to write a post both for my sanity and because I have not written all week... but I don't have to like it.

When these moods creep in, there is little I can do but just wait for it to pass and hope that I don't go all mommy dearest on the babies. She tried to come out a few times today, but I beat her back down. Besides, if I am acting crazy and angry, I can't pull off the angsty, circa 1996 mopeyness that I do so well (just tried to spellcheck that word to no avail- blogger doesn't think angsty mopeyness exists- oh but it does blogger- oh but it does).

These moods make me all shades of guilty for not wanting to "look at him" for the thousandth time as he throws a crumpled piece of paper in the air, for being mad at her for getting into the dog's water again, for bailing on dinner dishes and leaving the pile for my husband.... All shades. My house feels a wreck, my head feels tired and I just want to cry. I am mad for not being a good "me"!

I have not been a good mommy today.
I have not been a good wife.
I sure as hell have not been a good homemaker.
Angst I've got--- I guess I was a good teenager today.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Magic Moments Monday

These smiles were so worth the 6 bucks spent on a blow-up baby pool ;)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Things I learned in a restroom stall: Part Deaux (literally)

Potty training is a hot topic. In some circles, it seems to be a mark of good parenting- if your 1 year old is 'going' on the potty, you must be an exceptional momma- really in tune to your child or something. However, I have also heard from plenty to NOT push it (pun intended)- how when they are truly ready, there is no training involved.
I chose method 2, mostly because I did not feel like following my kid around asking if he had to pee for two years and visiting every public restroom in the greater St Louis area.
Because don't kid yourself, that is what potty training is about- your little one just having to drop one in Kohls, Whole Foods, Chilis.... you name it, we've pooped there.

Diapers were easier. If N had an urge to pee during the commute, he just peed, I did not have to hear about it. I did not have to remember the closest clean restroom to every intersection. I did not have to have an argument over using the potty before we left the house. Let merephrase, diapers are easier in a different way- undies are surely cheaper, cleaner and better for the environment but diapers are easier in terms of parenting.

Nolan will be four years old at the end of next month and has been successfully potty trained for about 6 months. He was a late bloomer- we introduced the big boy potty several times but he had NO interest. Literally one day he just sat down and went and never went back to diapers- effortless and weird. However, the first month of visiting every restroom in town sucked. This practice has evolved- now he has learned that he can use the poop or pee excuse to his advantage. If he "really has to go" mom will stop somewhere, right?? In the past, yes, but yesterday- WRONG- I (internally) dared him to poop his pants because I was not stopping. We went through the drive through at the bank, which is right next to McDonalds and he asked for a smoothie which was denied. Suddenly he had to use the restroom and I figured, correctly that he just wanted to go into McDonalds. I said if he really had to go, we would go home and do it there and he said that he didn't really have to go.... Soooo hopefully I am not setting him up for a lifetime of home-bound bowel movements, but for the time being, I am gonna keep calling his bluff. Score one for mom.

And yes- there was a "Things I Learned: Part 1" at

Thursday, June 2, 2011


A friend recently joked about her "Mom Diet" as a means for weight loss. It basically consists of eating whatever your children don't throughout the day.... Is there a leftover scrap of bread? Well then you have breakfast :) Since she is also mom to THREE babies just over a year old, I imagine that is about all she has time for!! I only have one (plus my maniac) and that is pretty much what I do as well. I am not losing weight, but I am not gaining it either so I find it effective.

I often blog ( ) about how to use up leftovers because I hate to waste but wow- my babies LOVE to waste. The key is to stop dinner once the morsels start to fly off the tray, which my dog does not appreciate but is effective for less clean-up as well as mom diet cuisine. If you factor that in with what needs used in the fridge and what gets turned into a toy throughout the day (see below), you truly have a lot to choose from. If I ate the following in any large quantity, I would be immense, but I only eat a few bites of each. Here is today's diet: scrambled eggs, wheat toast, crackers, milk, beans, peach/pear puree, plain yogurt, peach/pear puree in plain yogurt, freeze dried peas, banana, pizza, baby carrots, baked potato, cheese, pork tenderloin and a coke (that one was fortunately only me). I didn't make real dinner tonight because my husband is gone, but I already feel satisfied and haven't even had dessert tossed off the tray yet.

Note: As a medical professional I must be careful about what I recommend, lest it be taken as advice. For the record, I am (mostly) joking here and I do not believe that the mom diet is balanced or a good idea- you really shouldn't drink soda either. But we do what we gotta do- at least our kids are healthy.
N talking on his banana...... my afternoon snack :/