Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Mini Memoir.... a prompt from Red Dress Club (on smoke)

The silence was so defined, so loud that you could almost hear the whispering trail of smoke as it rose from the end of a single burning cigarette. It climbed slowly up and out, peppering the room with its subtle acridness as a low note began to reverberate from the piano.  All eyes and a sharp-edged spotlight were focused on a tiny dark stage alive with intensity. She raised her smokey eyelids, placed a stiletto heeled foot on a bentwood chair, and began to sing. Rich tones reached deep into my very soul, warming but taunting me. It said this could be you. This stage and this audience, bent on every flick of her wrist and change of note, could be yours. The song tore a hole into my heart and freed precious memories of those past performances, those too few moments when I felt truly alive.  
And then SHE kicked me, the feeling deep within. My unseen but already cherished little girl moved to cover the hole, to fill my void with a new purpose. I moved my hand across my swollen belly and bit back my tears and opened my smokey eyelids. My stilettos were firmly on the floor and my voice silent, the audience was not for me but still, I felt alive. HER voice, as silent as that whispering trail of cigarette smoke gave me new life.




This week's prompt was based on a picture of a burning cigarette in an ashtray.

17 comments:

The Reason You Come said...

I can see this scene as if it were a scene from a movie. This is touching and beautifully written.

CM said...

Wow, that was really good! I didn't see that coming. At first, I was like...she got kicked? Huh? And then I got it. Very creative writing.

NC Narrator said...

Awesome! I loved the move from desire to purpose, and the sense of a dream deferred for something bigger.

Jo said...

thank you for your kind words- this is the first time i linked in so i was a tad nervous ;)

TKW said...

I love the way you tied things up! I, too, have greasepaint and crowds in my past, and I miss it at times. This was a good reminder about what I really should value!

Kir said...

thi was just magic, seriously, the way you tied a memory to something important to you, to your old life kicking your new life and your new life kicking back. WOW.
It was so good.

Anne said...

Beautiful! The power of someone growing inside us can be pretty amazing.

RaRa said...

Nice imagery!

Galit Breen said...

Your writing brought me right there next to you (minus the stilletos; can't pull those off!).

I loved the shift between an old world a new one.

Lovely! Truly.

le Chef said...

I love that you moved to smokey eyes. I like a different take. Very vivid.

Cheryl said...

You packed a lot into a very short space, which I loved! beautiful imagery!

Jo said...

i am so happy that i just made sense ;) some of you are so fabulous at this that even your comments here read like poetry!! i am hooked- thanks for the prompt

Erin said...

Simply beautiful. I loved how it was so simply written but conveyed a deeper meaning.

judejo said...

Is there anything you can't do beautifully JJ? Now writing. It only makes sense that you can excel at that too!

juliemooreonlife said...

Beautifully written. Loved the comparison between the old life and the new life.

Anastasia said...

I can really relate to that feeling of re-purpose. You brought me right back to my first pregnancy.

basilmomma: Heather Tallman said...

Love this...keep writing!