Saturday, December 29, 2012

requisite Christmas post

woooo hoooo.
Christmas. and stuff...

we had a holly jolly holiday complete with a new yearly tradition of an asthma attack without an available rescue inhaler and a lovely bout with the stomach flu. they say families that puke together, stay together. or something like that.
poor health aside, it is always great to spend time with the families back in our home towns. and thanks to little Christmas miracles, i have a new camera that i can operate without holding the battery door closed.

Friday, December 14, 2012


Just... Wow.
I am in disbelief that today's horrible events could even take place. All these babies, just gone.

I was proctoring an exam when the "Breaking News" message popped up on my monitor and I swear I stopped breathing. I am sure that every parent, everywhere, instantly went to that horrible place in your mind where you picture yourself in tragedy. But Dear God, THANK GOD, my own babies were safe. And yet, there is absolutely no assurance that they will be safe tomorrow, or even tonight.

The terrible reality of today opens up dialogue about what needs to change in our society, our blessed country where this should not be happening, but it also brings to light the things that we can't change, and that is even scarier to me.

I can teach them to look both ways, never play with matches, and swim only with an adult. I might even be able to keep them from willingly getting in a car with a stranger. But dammit, there is not One. Single. Thing. that I can do to assure that some sick and hurting, yet monster of a person won't walk into their school and spray their room with bullets.

My son is in kindergarten.
I have pictured this gunman in my child's classroom all day. I do not know any of these poor families that have lost their children, pieces of their hearts, but I am sure they have been doing the same. I cry for them. I have been crying all day.

These poor babies and their families.
These poor teachers that have to worry about things like this. That have to lock their students and themselves crying in bathrooms, when they should be cutting out pictures of Santa and saying their ABCs.

It is so very hard to acknowledge how fleeting life can be. To understand that we can only do so much to protect our babies. I break thinking of how they surely wanted their moms when all of the shooting began and that if it had been my boy, I would not have been there to save him. We can't always save them. We can't. And so we cry.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

still thankful, just not conventionally so

I stepped away for a bit. That little life thing is still a bit busy. I haven't been very good about the November blessing thing. Facebook is all a flutter with things to be thankful for and I haven't been doing it except for in my head. I think the first two weeks are a given anyway, right?
I am thankful for my spouse, my kids, my parents, my friends, my house, etc.etc.
But now let's get real and give it some thought. I am thankful for many many things and today? Today it is Naptime. (it's so important, it gets classified as a proper noun here)

I just want to sing the word falsetto voice.
For all parties. Me. Them.
Even fake naptime when N stretches across his sheets and sings songs to himself for an hour. It is usually punctuated with 4-5 trips back downstairs to tell me that he A) hurt his leg while "napping" B) can't stop coughing even though he hadn't coughed all day or C) All of the above and that he doesn't want me to take Madagascar 3 back to the Redbox today. Even then. Because mommas ALWAYS need a break- if momma says she doesn't, it is because she is drunk at 2 pm.

Thank you Lord for naptime. When else would I shower and blog?

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Ten On Ten {11.10.12}

My November Ten on Ten:
One photo an hour for ten hours- it did NOT feel like November out there today!

Friday, November 2, 2012

thanks a lot

why the wedding pictures? because i am thankful- i promised that i would be.
today i am thankful for this marriage and this man.

i couldn't make it through this life without him.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

stop and go. and stop. or just go

is it just me, or does everyone come to a 4 way stop at the same exact time as the car to your right, wave them on since it is their right of way and then sit and stare at them, eybrows raised as they wave back.
why does that piss me off so much??
it is every time! if someone waves at you to go... GO... don't wave back all ladies and ford escapes first...
every other time, i expect politeness, but not at a four way- just go people. when i get there clearly BEFORE the next person though, they very nearly always shoot through the intersection like they are being shot out of a cannon... driving is just so hard, you know.
anyway, november is for being thankful, so i will start that tomorrow.
today i am crabby.
and in pain- my stupid rib is all jacked up (a technical term of course) and my chiropractor is unavailable. and even though you doctor folk might relaize this already, it is not effective to try to kinesiotape your own injuries when they are behind you and over your dominant shoulder. you just might injure another 1 or 17 ribs getting into position.
so once again, tomorrow.
i will be thankful tomorrow.

until then.
i will try to distract myself with uber halloween cuteness.
 nintendo has never seen such characters as these sugared up lovelies :)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

wait october! please slow your roll.

i could just drive and drive for hours in this weather. i LOVE me some fall.

PS- I did pull over to take this picture :)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

medicate me with kisses, please

well i'm over my little 'panties in a rumple' style snit of last night.
i got a good night's sleep and, no wait... i did not.

i was up with A for awhile last night because it seems that N passed on more than just her hand me down pajamas.
how generous.

and then after finally falling asleep again, N woke up in a coughing spell about 30 minutes before my alarm. and just like that- i am sleep deprived again.
but it's cool.  i am sleep deprived and content today.

sometimes those late nights in a rocking chair with a soft head of hair tucked under your chin give you some clarity. there is nothing wrong with being just mom. in fact, there is really no such thing, because to those little people, sometimes there IS just mom. only mom. when they cry out with runny little noises, it is me they want. and they don't care about all the things i used to be.

maybe this is all a little bipolar sounding. and in fact, that is exactly how i roll- i am nothing if not diverse. my three jobs are evidence of that. and today i have decided to focus on job #3, which really, truly is ALWAYS job #1, or more like the #1 job. i might hate this decision after the kids go to bed tonight, but i need a snuggle and play day. the work can wait.

but a shower- first i need a shower.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

it could be worse (times a google)

this motherhood thing is some serious shit.
highs and lows and snot and farts and laughter.
and lots of crying.

tonight was one of those nights where i about lost my damn mind for no real reason. i mean, N was in full-on back talk mode and whining for 45 straight minutes about picking up the kiddy shopping cart worth of "groceries" that he upended into a pop up tent in my living room, but that is not unusual.

A was in a continual princess swoon all draped over my head and arms as i answered frantic student emails... an everyday thing. incidentally, why is it so impossible to catch the words that come out of my mouth 8 times in one class period, get underlined on the board and referenced in the syllabus...
seriously college people- wait until 'life' hits. no cliff notes for all this 'ish

general chaos. check. i got it.
mess. school prep. medicine. busy schedules. being stupid over budget for the past two months. single parenting during hubby's 75 different nightly AND weekend committments. allergen free food. allergen free body products. allergen free shopping bills. allergen free life. depression. two three very different jobs with very different sets of insane paperwork. midterms to grade. midterm grades. health scares. liabilities. no family anywhere close. high maintenance kids. high maintenance dog.
check. i got it.

i know it is nothing major. i know some of you have much more of the serious shit than me.
i. get. it.

we are blessed and lucky. i know. i am thankful. i ADORE these babies and this life.
but sometimes i still feel like i am going to explode if i have to do one more little thing like change a diaper or find a sna-aack. and i think that is okay.

sometimes the 'me' inside just wants a little attention.
she wants to know that someone remembers who she is- that even know right now, she is trying insanely hard to keep find her identity as a good mother, before this, she had another identity. 400 other identities even.

i miss her. maybe that sounds bad.
but i do. i miss the things she showed me and taught me and laughed at.
i love, love, love all the things that my kids show me and teach me and make me laugh at, but i still miss my old inner me. from the second i became mom, my 'me' took one hell of a crayon covered and cracker crumb encrusted back seat.

i wonder if she'll ever crawl out and shower off.

Monday, October 15, 2012

anyone want to pick up homework for us?

little man sick days now go something like this:

my brain already deciding when i fall asleep at midnight that the insane barking cough eminating from his body all. night. long. is rotten enough to keep him from school for a day of rest, fluids, vitamins and chiropractic adjustments... after all, monday is my "off day" so we might as well nip this thing today.

alarm STILL must go off in the dark because i have to look responsible enough to wake him up and find out that indeed, he does feel puny.

after waking, i stumble in and feel N's head (cool) and listen to his lungs (rattle-y). he rolls sleepily toward me and says "bomb, i don't feel so good" which enforces what i already knew when his rasping and hacking woke me at 3 am. he snuggles into me and then coughs straight into my face. i decide that would be a good time to call the school. but now he is awake (at 6:30am) and wants... breakfast?? hmmm- not too bad then, but the breathing. i don't know- i'll give him a breathing treatment.

i carry him downstairs at his request and get him set up in a comfy chair with a blanket, the space heater and his trusty nebulizer. i brew up some green tea with lemon and honey and load him up with our trusty immune system vitamins... he's droopy and sniffle-y and wants to snuggle. i give in and call school.

it is now 3 hours later.

i am BEGGING him to lay down and rest. he is not coughing. he is not whining. i blew up the air mattress to make laziness seem extra hip and both kids think we are in a freaking trampoline center. i don't remember my sick days looking like this, then again, since it has been years since i took a genuine sick day, maybe my memory is rusty.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Ten on Ten [10.10.12]

one picture on the hour for ten hours...
linking up with the fantastic a bit of sunshine for the ten on ten project

don't count... i might be one short ;)


i was just sitting here in the chair watching A eat her lunch in a highchair in front of the tv. go ahead and judge me but sometimes when you have a shit-ton on your plate 490 tests to write and presentations to revamp, etc. etc. etc. you just gotta do what works. the show is max and ruby so i feel like that is probably penance enough for me. this show.
where is the momma rabbit?
ruby is 8 years old, tops, but she is always in charge. bathing max, feeding him breakfast, building dioramas. quite the precocious bunny i must say, even if her whiney voice makes me cringe.
so i was sitting. then i heard the telltale sound of a pot boiling over on the stove- i was heating water over two measly eggs- so i jumped up to run to the kitchen. in doing so i stepped over a pile of dress-up jewelry and a stool, around a trunk set up as N's "desk", stepped on a dvd, tripped over the space heater and sorta fell/jumped up into the kitchen.
that's really all to the story- not very exciting but very illustrative. my house is trashed, i have patients after N gets home from school, i am behind in grading, prep and paperwork, i haven't eaten and my kid is watching cartoons. my husband has been gone almost every evening for the past 3 weeks and i am feeling overwhelmed as usual. and i just don't feel like doing anything but snuggle the kids and read... am i starting the annual hibernation?
maybe i should call ruby. she'd know what to do.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

"Now, this'll be a straight walk-off, old school rules"

last weekend i got to spend some quality time with my very dashing husband! it was a wedding weekend for friends and we were invited on the "party bus" because they didn't get the memo that we are thirty-something and incapable of looking anything but tired when we drink more than two glasses of wine...

luckily we took all the pictures before that, or at least during.

i am a fan of being a tourist at home so it was really great to stroll through the City Garden and be inspired to create works of photographic art that would give Zoolander and his blue steel a serious run for his money.

unfortunately my shoe makers didn't get the memo that a sole is supposed to be wide enough to keep your pinky toe from sliding off to be held sling-like by the pleather of your sling-backs and my poor poor feet lost feeling somewhere around the Pinocchio statue.
Ignore the corsage- when you sing a wedding you get to pretend it's prom
but because i am a trooper, and because the shoes looked fabulous, i pressed on. i will walk in any shoes to get a day away with my husband!

plus... wedding cake.

and just for kicks, i thought i'd link up with Harper's Happenings for Steppin' Out Saturday even though i posted this on a day that was NOT saturday. but hey, the actual stepping out is so fleeting these days so...

On Me-
Dress: Old (Dillards) - Shoes: Old (don't even remember where they are from) - Purse: Old (Payless)
good thing these things were in my closet because i FORGOT to get my beautious and thrifted 'planned on wearing dress' altered. i am 96% certain that i will never throw this dress out because it has both polka dots AND pockets, which is exactly what every 80 year old woman still needs.

On Him-
Shirt: American Living - Tie: Tommy Hilfiger - Pants: Dockers - Shoes: Sperry

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

who let the dogs out?

woo! what a busy couple of weeks- i almost wish that my laptop was hardwired to my brain so that all these blog posts in my head would just leap right on. besides all the day to day crazy, i have spent a few days in chicago celebrating a soon-to-be-bride who is also one of my greatest buddies, almost lost a voice, got it back in time to sing a wedding, attended said wedding festivities, had one very 'interesting' encounter at the park (that i sat down to blog about and never pushed post) and took my kids to a meth house.

wait, what?

no. it maybe was not a meth house and we didn't go in. but we did go on the front porch to return two lost puppies with the address on their tags. the very young yet tatted up woman that answered the door in her backwards trucker hat began to say she was going to "beat the sh* (STOP i have two children on your porch) out of.... "

out of who trashy mctrashersons?
the dogs for wandering out of your yard, whoever left your back gate open?

and then there's me who actually scolded someone at their own house for saying offensive things in front of my children who have no doubt heard worse.
then she didn't even say thank you (the horror, not whore- i know nothing of her sexual activities) so she wins for the worst manners. but she has some damn cute little dogs :/

oh small town life. everyone is all sandwiched together in town whether you want a rusted out beater truck in your backyard or not... i mean, who needs to mow their lawn. or wear something over your wife beater??

anyway- she could be a very good pet owner. the good Lord knows that as hard as we try to be competent, things like this still happen.

so now i'm off to deliver this aquarium to the meth house- colten the fish has a much better chance of survival there.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

there's a fungus among us

i am a fan of shoving random green things in my children's mouths, pureeing bits of nutrient rich stuff to fill out pancakes or thicken soups and such.
but even i was amazed to watch N sit down in a comfy chair after school today, one hand curled protectively around his ipod, his eyes trained on the screen and the other casually reaching in and out of a brown box of mushrooms.
then again, his current obsession is the super mario bros he was enthralled with and i seem to remember them operating out of mushroom land or something... maybe his fungal snack is no coincidence.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

raindrops aren't fallin on these heads

Look how well we can pretend to share! And love! But I'll go ahead and acknowledge that it took 15 tries to look this convincing :) Happy Saturday

Thursday, September 13, 2012

i must remember to remember this

it happens every time.

these frenzied mornings at home getting snapped at and frowned upon as i cram his little self into uniforms and shoes and stuff his arms full of backpacks and lunchboxes and instructions to "behave, behave, behave" ... fast forward to a prolonged exhalation and collapse into the recliner with the littler one. and an intense need to just love her up and cook and play all day, fantasizing all along that she will never talk to me like i know she will talk to me when she's 15, or even 5.

and two blessed days a week, i get to do that, but the other three i don't.

three blessed days a week i get to have a career, one (two actually) that i love, but in the morning, faced with going to work, I never want to go.

all the days begin the same. remember the recliner after the fury of getting N to kindergarten? i sit snuggling and sipping an iced coffee and dread leaving the domestic cocoon of home. eventually i can put it off no longer and i somehow slip in a shower or at least wash my hair in the sink. step one- check. it only takes 45 minutes to find an outfit that looks almost as good on me as it did before i had kids. step two- check. somewhere between the next few steps, of lipstick and shoes that click on the hard floor, the change occurs and i am back to working me. and working me is just as good as home with the kiddos me, but i always forget that until i am out the door, commuting to campus and assuming responsibility for other people's precious children (and all their tuition money).

i forget, every single time.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Ten On Ten [9.10.12]

A lovely day. Linking up with a bit of sunshine for the Ten on Ten Project. You should too ;)