mary, mary, quite contrary

once upon a time there was a house.
and the house had no landscaping and the lady of the house just wanted some flowers and trees and privacy.

and the years went by and she planted and planted.
some trees fell down, some gardens were neglected, but by and large the flowers grew. the bushes grew. the plants grew. and the lady was happy and the house smiled.

and one day, the lady decided she wanted some lilies and purchased them end of season in hopes that they would surprise her the following spring when they burst from the earth.
instead, they surprised her husband who forgot they were there and weed whacked them down before they would realize their potential. and then again the following spring and the lady was sad. but they were just a few flowers among a yard full of life and so she looked forward to the third spring.

finally after many days of rain and frost on a fine May day, the lilies peeked from the ground, the tips bright green, the buds healthy and ready to show off the beautiful fruits of 3 years growth. the husband was careful to let them live and the lady was ripe with anticipation of her lily border finally springing forth.

and then while her attention was elsewhere, her 4 year old suddenly pulled them up by the roots to add to her "collection"

and the lady was sad.
maybe next year...

tears will fill a river to ferry my heart

today was the kids' first official day "off" from school. i feel like i should go ahead and jump head first into summer fun, but i am just not there yet. aaron went to a Cardinal game, i was generally crabby, and the kids were a weensy bit challenging.
bedtime whack-a-mole was especially lengthy with one and then the other popping back out...
"love you mom"
"night mom"
"see you in the morning mom"
all set to me gritting my teeth trying not to scream at them to get the hell back to bed.

and then tears. from A this time, not me, though I could've cried too.

i wandered back into her room and she was sobbing.
"what's the matter?"
"i just lo-oo-oo-ve you (hiccup). i don't want you to die"

she was so sad.
in fact, she has been so preoccupied with this lately that it is starting to freak me out a little. Maybe i should get some tests run...

i just held her and told her i am not dying and when eventually (hopefully in the very distant future) i am gone, i will always be in her heart.
she cried and cried (and so did baby S from the other room because it was feeding time) and i just wanted to freeze time. there i sat with her little arms around my neck, her tear-stained face buried in my shoulder, asking "will you always be with me?" and i fast forwarded to a teenage A who wonders "why won't mom leave me alone?"

i can only hope i don't forget what her beautiful face looks like at 4 precious years old with fat tears stuck to her longer than long lashes, her tangled, pink princess night gown, and her down-turned mouth saying how much she loves me.
because even when she is pushing me away and demanding independence she will always be with me.

pull the fluffy covers up to your chin

every morning, N growls at me, snarls and yells. pulls the covers over his head and declares his undying hatred for school (the same school he happily skips to once we leave the house). he is a BEAR in the morning. i am too- it is not a pretty confrontation. every morning i struggle at 7 to spring them from sleep and into the day.

UNLESS THAT DAY PROMISES SUMMER BREAK.
hell no.
go. back. to bed.

it was 6 freaking am. i was in and out having woken at 5:15 to nurse S- basically just waiting to shut off my 6:15 alarm. i was getting up to shower and have a few minutes of me time before the daily madness. except they beat me to the alarm! both of them clopping down the stairs at 6 am- awake and chipper.

welcome to summer.