how different life could have been...

The following was written as a prompt from Write On Edge for the word "mentor"

he sat hurriedly scribbling his umpteenth report.
late.
there was always somewhere to be. always someone on hold. always a life to save.
or to change. he had changed my life.

i was leaving that day after 6 weeks of learning, excitedly headed home with my boyfriend to lazy summer days and sleeping past 5 am. to the life of an over-driven college student who was burned the hell out.

before him, i had a very clear picture of what my future looked like. sterile, bright rooms filled with sterile, bright tools and people who needed fixed. i was to be a surgeon.
period.

no one questioned the fierceness, the endless studying, the crazy anticipation of every exam, every grade. not until i questioned it over the course of that life-changing summer.

he was god-like with lives in his hands all day, every day. compassionate but professional. methodical but approachable. he was everything i had thought i'd want to be. but he and his team had families. faceless names that they hurried to in the dark, kissed goodbye while they still lay dreaming in the morning. doubtlessly beautiful children with voids where one of their parents could have been.

a great price comes with greatness. and that is, that those who love you the most, have to share you.
all day, every day.
it was a life he could graciously handle. a life that i could not. when i pictured my future, not only was i in an operating room. i was also nursing a baby with beautiful curls. i was fixing my husband dinner and picking laughing kids up from school.

i was not him after all.
it took 6 weeks of seeing true miracles played out in 18 hour workdays but slowly i realized that to be him that i looked up to with such awe, i would have to forfeit the type of mother that i also very much wanted to be.

so there, on my last day, i shook his hand and thanked him for the opportunity, because wow. it had been quite an opportunity. and as he was racing out to save another life, i simply couldn't find words to thank him for how he'd changed mine. so i just smiled and nodded, turned around and closed the door on that path.
thanks doc. i like to think you saved my children's lives too, in a much different way.

mini little me

My darling girl- my wish for you is that your feet are very selective if they choose to walk in my footsteps. On that path you will find that there are no perfect people or perfect lives, but sometimes there are perfect days, and they make the walk worth it.

This sunny day was one of them. I long for its warmth.

here comes the rain

motherhood is not all sunshine and roses.
there are sunny, flower filled days for sure. and they far outweigh the torrential rainfall of tantrum induced tears and the shear stress of rearing miniature humans.

but if i'm being honest, some days it is hard to focus on the happy because the hard is just so obvious. when you are ridiculously sick from spending three days covered in the snot and tears of your sick kids and haven't had any sleep all week for the same reason. when all you want to do is sleep off the funk and the kids still need fed and bathed and played with... yeah, then.

today is a stormy mom day. and damnit, if i could just sleep all day, the sun of tomorrow would probably peak out a little sooner. but i know that can't happen so i guess it's a good thing flowers need rain with their sun if they are going to blossom. maybe my little people flowers need it too.

Magic Moments Monday--- where has this tradition gone??

The air is crisp against our waxy skin, hands painfully cold in the wind and we are smiling. Running, giggling (eventually whining) in the winter sunshine. You've got to scoop up the days like this when you can because the weather forecast is bleak and spring will not be springing for awhile.

The Museum of Transportation is dead in the winter. There were three other cars in the entire parking lot and it couldn't have been better. Well unless it was that empty and 70 degrees and someone was paying us to play amongst the trains. That would probably have been better.

 I haven't Magic Moment Mondayed in quite awhile and I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm bringing it back. Yes. I think I am. Just remind me next Monday, mmkay?

Me- Jeans: Old Navy // Shoes (see above): Target // Jacket and Pullover: North Face //
Sunglasses: Inspired Shades (D&G fantasticness)
PS- N is rocking Yo Gabba Gabba Vans ftw ;)

A fashion post this is not. It is winter and we were outside so the attire is what it is. But we did step out so I am linking up (an eensy bit late) with The Haps because I'd really like to make it a habit. Put that on my reminder list too please and thank you...