Saturday, July 2, 2011

cause i have a pretty good memory and all

Snuggling my babies last year before the "madness" began

this was one of those weeks where nearly every minute you think you will explode before the next minute arrives- i was crazy busy and tired with loads on my mind and my son had an attitude that simply would not stop. when the phone rang at 3:30 on friday, i was 80% sure it was protective services calling to retrieve my kids from a war zone, because that is what it sounded like with his (and unfortunately my)yelling. The other 20 % chance was the hospital calling to tell me that we did indeed take home a movie-like demon spawn nearly four years ago..... oh that is horrible!! i should not joke like that, but seriously if i do not have my sense of humor, i do not have my sanity. anyway, it was one heck of a week.
i am so angry at myself for fighting back- you can't "win" those arguments so why do i even bother?? i am really really (really really really really really) trying to be patient and consistent and positive but there are moments when i truly feel like i am losing my mind waiting for this stage to pass. and i know, i know- don't wish it away- i got it. but try reminding me that when all H.E.double hockey sticks is breaking loose, not when my sweet children are away for the night hanging with grandma. i am alone tonight and it is blissful but i find myself thinking about those kids nearly the entire time. i just spent some time with my cousin and her new baby and all that came to mind in my stories were good ones- snuggling with them on my chest, giving first baths and kissing away tears, reading stories and playing on swings. not once did my mind's eye go to visions of N slamming his door 10 times in a row and telling me i am "ridiculous" when i send him to his room or A squirming mercilessly away from me as i spend 10 minutes trying to change her clothes..... that's gotta count for something, right?
i can work on ME but they, each in their own very distinct and sometimes frustrating stages are perfect special just the way they are.

N in the papasan with a large portion of his toybox
A in the laundry room, in daddy's shoes with a corn cob...
My silly darlings!