Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I couldn't afford THAT textbook

Lately I've been thinking alot about balancing work and play with these kiddos and I've come to the conclusion that even though this motherhood thing is SORTA what i thought it would be like, in many ways it is not. And I thought I'd share some general observations :)

Mommy things I didn’t learn in a book.
That kids are hard wired to the bathroom door. As soon as mom’s hand touches the doorknob, little bodies appear from nowhere to keep you company in times of pee.

That as soon as you clean up breakfast, lunch or dinner mess and sit down for a few minutes of snuggle time, your toddler will climb into your lap smelling of the foulest odor to ever grace your presence (since the last time) thus forcing mom back out of the couch to change a diaper.

That when you have a newborn baby and get your first shower in four days, your clean shirt and body will become a magnet for puke. I call this the ‘first law of baby puke attraction’.
Note: the second law involves lying on your back and laughing with your mouth wide open while holding baby up in the air like superman- I assume you get what happens next.

That when you are stressed beyond belief and just need a drink, you won’t be able to have one because wasting breast milk is like chucking diamonds down the drain.

That it will be okay if your kid watches a little tv. Somedays that is the only way you will be able to eat lunch.

That most days your four year old will ask 3,006 questions and over half of them will be “can I have a snack?” They all will begin with the word mom or some variation of it and he or she will expect you to answer them all.

That waiting for exploring baby fingers go to sleep is the first step in folding laundry unless you want to do it twice.

That someday you will be puked on, peed on and puked on all in the same day and none of it will be yours.

That you will never feel good enough.

That you will receive COUNTLESS amounts of advice from people who think they know your children better than you and/or have no children of their own and even though you won't listen to 98.9 percent of it, it will still contribute to the previous statement.

That the pleasure you get from watching the wonder involved with opening and closing a kitchen drawer will far outweigh the frustrations of putting away the contents that end of on the floor.

That there is no better blanket for your grief than a tiny child asleep on your chest.

That when you brush the hair out of your little girl’s eyes and are met with the perfect mimic of your husband’s expression you will fall a little more in love with both of them.

That no matter how many times you have to separate your feuding children, your feeling that they hate each other can melt in an instant when you see them huddled together in one recliner watching a movie and sharing crackers.

That motherhood is ridiculously hard. The hours are long and the boss is a real ball-breaker. There is no vacation or pay. But there are countless benefits and a company car and the freedom to date your most handsome co-worker. It is the toughest job you’ll ever love. And you are not alone.



judejo said...

Well said...I remember those days!

Bern said...

LOVE this, jamie! So true, so funny, so poignant, so real, so you, so universal. Keep on truckin ;) xo

Dumb Mom said...

I'm kinda happy to have someone else to blame my filthy shirts on. It used to just be my fault! And, I'm also pretty happy that none of the puke on my shirt is from my own body. Those days sucked! Found your blog through another blog and thought I'd say hi! Adorable kiddos!