TMI Warning

I took a pregnancy test today and the results were..... negative. This is a good thing. That is a tricky question to ask- did you want it positive or negative? No no no because my youngest is not even 8 months old yet, my pregnancy insurance would not kick in for another year and I need to pay off some student loans but yes always, because children are such blessings. If it had been positive, it would have been welcomed AFTER an initial night spent lying face down on the floor in shock and scared anticipation! Anyway, this brings up several topics-

One: I am a freak that always thinks I am pregnant. I know I am not the only one- several of my close friends share the same disorder (you know who you are). I have been tired and nauseous (hello last weekend was Thanksgiving) but most of all I could swear that I felt fetal movement! I know- freak! So that begs the question, is there such a thing as phantom fetal movement syndrome? You know, like when amputees still feel pain in the limb that was removed- its' all neurological so it should be feasible that I would still feel movement from my itty one who was essentially part of me for the better part of a year.... so I looked it up. Turns out- I didn't even coin my own term :) Lots of women have this and that is WEIRD! I am going to do more research, the doc in me what to know exactly why it happens and I will post when I know.

Two: If I am tired and icky feeling, it is not a progesterone induced funk of early pregnancy. I am just not taking care of myself. I know better but what am I to do? I feel overwhelmed most days and don't eat like I used to, or exercise like I need to and consume too much caffeine- there I said it- I am unhealthy. This is really hard to admit because I used to be really healthy AND I spend lots of hours each week telling my patients to be healthy... I am a walking contradiction that gets away with it because by some miracle or probably good genes (thank you mom) I am the same size as I was pre-pregnancy... another nod to breastfeeding could go here as well. Honestly, that was what I was most afraid of- that I had exposed a little life to crap, crap, and more crap over the last 8 weeks or so. I made myself buy the test before I would drink another sweet tea or medicate a persistent headache that I couldn't make it to the chiropractor for. SO here is my wake up call that I need to jump back on the health bandwagon and stop blaming my phantom fetus for making me feel ill!

Three and final: I am so ready for my cycle to come back- I know I will regret saying this but after not having a period (this is the true TMI paragraph I know but if you are still reading, you must not be too squeamish) for 17 months, you really have NO idea where you are and could easily get pregnant. Thus my pregnancy test(s) are warranted- yes I have taken THREE since April! Remember I said I always think I am with child.
So there you go. Too. Much. Information. Only, if I have thought it, then plenty of you have thought it too. My children are gifts and so will be the next one or two but I think we have enough presents for the time being... with Christmas coming and all :)