Friday, May 27, 2011

Sorry I can't talk, I am plotting my escape from a sinking ship.....

I love my children. Duh, right? I expected that I would love them like this and yet sometimes it is still overwhelming how much space their tiny little selves occupy in my heart. One thing that I was not ready for however, was how irrational they have made me in terms of worrying about things that are likely to never be. I was never like this.

I will find myself driving with my babies over a bridge and think, "if this car were to go over the edge, how would I get both of them out by myself??" That thought is then followed by a detailed escape plan in my head that is way too distracting to have while I am driving across the very deathtrap that I fear!
I mean really? Is it likely that my family and I will take a Thelma and Louise style plunge into the river?
No.
Is it totally irrational?
Yes.
But is this normal?
I'm not sure :)
I don't THINK that I am alone-- but maybe I have a little more crazy in me than the next.

The recent and horrific tornado that hit Joplin has me even more irrational than ever before- I absolutely cannot stop thinking about all those poor families that were affected by such fury. I have seen videos and pictures and now have run the escape/survive scenario in my head a thousand times since it hit. We had a terrible round of storms here two nights ago and I felt like I was crazy with worry!
Please don't misunderstand and think I am making light of the topic- the very opposite actually. I am only pointing out my possibly unnatural response to tragedy from afar. My head actually thought of the following scenario:
 trapped in the basement alone with two kids with water everywhere and downed power lines and I had to get them both out without touching the water and I couldn't put them down and there was a gas leak and the dog suddenly turned rabid against us and and and....... TOTALLY IRRATIONAL! I MAY have embellished on the dog part- he is a pansy.  Anyway, so unlikely but so so horrible.

Better safe than sorry I suppose but I wish my mind weren't so full of irrationality. It is exhausting, and between that and the space already spent on my children, there is not much room for other things- important things, like the routines I saw on So You Think You Can Dance ;)

9 comments:

RaRa said...

I am absolutely the same way. Constant disaster scenarios run through my head. Mother's curse, perhaps?

Marni's Organized Mess said...

I completely know how you feel. I just have to find what is in me to send love, but not worry about it. I know that sounds horrible in some ways, but it is out of our control. I don't feel like we can live a full life if we are constantly in fear of the what if's. Though, it is so much easier said than done.

Thanks for linking up on the Super STALKER again, sweetie!

bluebell screams said...

It's completely normal. I do the same thing, all the time. I'll take the 20 minute drive to the grocery store instead of the 5-minute route just to avoid this one particular intersection where people always cut me off in the left turn because I'm so paranoid we're going to get in a wreck there and hurt my baby. So yeah, definitely not just you.

New follower from the Sunday Stalk btw.

TheNaturalMomma said...

Ahhh you sound just like me! Hang in there hun, that just means you love your kids and want to protect them from everything!

New follower from Super Stalker Sunday btw, and I love your blog!

http://thenaturalmommas.blogspot.com/

Jacqueline said...

I have to concur with the peanut gallery here. I think this is normal as well. It isn't irrational at all to create "plans" for every eventuality. I do it all the time and my twins aren't even HERE yet. Thanks for stopping by The Organic Blonde.

Jo said...

oh good- thanks for the support! my husband thinks i am a lunatic but he has only been right twice, so i have that going for me :)

LINDY LEGENDS AND OTHER SUCH NONSENSE said...

I think it's only natural to worry. And making contingency plans isn't only smart, but it probably gives you that sense of control that a parent needs to even allow their child to leave the safety of one's house. :P
New follower from Super Stalker Sunday! Please swing by my blog when you get a chance! :)

MommyDigger.com said...

Definitely normal! When we become mommys we develop a what if syndrome :)

I'm a new follower from the Super Sunday Stalker Blog Hop! Please stop on by and follow me at http://www.mommydigger.com and say hello :)

Mariah said...

I think irrational fears are definitely part of motherhood!

I'm stopping by from this week's Super Stalker Sunday hop! Thanks for participating! I hope you'll join us again next week and I hope you'll stop by and visit me if you haven't already!
Mariah, Formula Mom