Saturday, July 21, 2012

life's greatest gifts are more life

sometimes i feel like i blink and years fly by. but then if i really think about all the change that happens during the blur of a few years, it seems like forever. each day of memories of your child is fleeting yet permanent. exhausting and exhilarating. one big dichotomy.
as is he- my walking dichotomy. it seems impossible that some one's light could be so bright, but it is. it seems unlikely that the same person could make me so mad, but he does. it seems a miracle that i could have such an amazing child, but i have two.
and this one... this one is five today.

in many ways i miss the little man he used to be- the one who'd nurse for an entire night to be close to me, who'd instantly find my voice in a crowded room and squeal with delight when i kissed his cheeks. i long for the endless snuggles, his chubby toddler fists wrapped in my hair and the adoring eyes who watched me above any other.

i guess he's in there somewhere, hidden behind the endless struggle for independence and the strongest will i have ever known. sometimes he wants only me, but those times are much fewer. he is more intent on being heard than listening to my bedtime stories, more apt to rough play in the dirt than singing under the covers.

he is growing and changing, but he will always be my little boy.
even when he does the grand things that i just know he is destined for, i will see the sweet innocent fella who stole my heart and made me a mother.
but i might need sunglasses, because he will shine.

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