Saturday, March 26, 2011

time flies when you need crazy pills

We always say the same thing "I can't believe it's been (insert long period of time- 4 months... 2 years, etc). This week has been no different- my little monkey is almost a year old!
tear :(
One of my patients asked when her Birthday was and I replied that it was a couple weeks away and then later I thought "wow! or maybe next week!" How is it possible that it has been nearly a year since that little angel entered our lives on Easter Sunday (and over a year since my contractions started- yes she made it nice and stressful on her mommy before we really got down to birthing business)?!?!?!

First, let me state that my little girl has firmly entrenched herselves in our lives and i love her to pieces. BUT before she got here i was really really worried- that i couldn't handle two kids- that i couldn't possibly love her as much as my son- that she would put us into financial ruin...... i worry. alot. and i thought i wanted another boy.

Everyone confirmed my worst fears, that i was indeed crazy- unfortunately my psychiatric issues are confirmed almost daily by other means. this busy beautiful mess of ours has made me that way!

i LOVE this child- in fact, on any given day, i MIGHT "like" her more than N!  (that sounds terrible. please don't misunderstand- i love him more than life, but sometimes when the psycho comes out, he is not my friend ;) if you are a mother of a three-year-old you understand..... i digress.
she is charming in every sense of the word and it is so amazing to see her little personality coming out. her smiles could possibly save the world and i adore having another GIRL in this house. i didn't know that i needed her before she got here!

financially we are totally still kicking :) i had always heard that if you wait to afford kids, you will never have them and that is SO true. somehow it all works out.

and the last fear of handling two kids- of course i can't!
no i'm kidding, it IS a completely different story than having one- those first few weeks i cried and cried and i still don't know how i was back in my college classroom 4 days after pushing that girl out (thank goodness for grandmas) and how i got through two months as a "single parent" during aaron's baseball season or how N didn't need an ER trip for acting out for attention while i was nursing A. i. don't. know. but somehow weeks and then months pass and it just becomes easier (not easy of course- never easy).

one day you wake up after a reasonably good nights sleep and you know that you are frazzled and unshowered and have developed a nervous twitch but you are making it just fine- although your son will have peed his bed overnight and you realize that you forgot to feed the dog. at least time flies- there's always next year to get it right and maybe by then i will have found me a therapist :)


RaRa said...

I think when you become a mom, the only way to mentally survive is to "check-out" a little. My husband claims that women are the only ones that check out, but that is because Daddies, even the hands-on ones, don't actually manage the mental trauma that we do.

Jo said...

Agreed. Emotionally I cycle between about 6 personalities all day long. I feel like as long as I acknowledge it, it is not a true multiple personality disorder :)