good thing my uber-coolness makes up for these things

today i wore THOSE shoes. i was pretty excited when i pulled them from the dark recesses of my closet where they had been in exile. i totally forgot about them- they are cute little open toe wedges. and they are denim- all good things. unfortunately they match about two things in my closet, which seems odd since jeans go with everything if they are on my rear, why not on my feet too? anyway- i finally found an outfit that worked and my husband even said the i was p.h.a.t. when i left the house- he really said that. at first, i thought he said fab and being a compliment from a handsome man, i would take either.
so those shoes- it took about five minutes to remember why they had been stowed away for so long- they freaking kill my feet. it makes zero sense- they are a low wedge and they seem comfy enough at first step. i didn't even have to lecture, just sit at my desk and give an exam so no big deal- i left them on.
and then when i was walking down the steps into the building, one of them FELL OFF- my shoe flat out fell off. i am not new to walking- in fact, i am known to many as a former dancer and can in fact be pretty coordinated. i thought maybe it was a fluke until the other shoe fell off mid step- what the hell? are the damn things possessed? did the spirits leave my house for asylum in my shoes (my house is supposed to be haunted... remind me sometime to post about the random lady who showed up at my door asking me if i needed help dealing with my "spirits"- true story/another post).
so by then i am totally paranoid that i am going to fall at every other step and the ones between i am wincing in pain. screw these stupid, deceivingly comfortable at first, cute little devil shoes! once i am seated, the hour passes uneventfully- i almost forget about them.
then it is time to go- i lose the left shoe AGAIN coming down the steps and then.... i am walking through a CROWD of students and get a full-on SHOE FLOP....... do you know what a shoe flop is? we coined the term in college for when the edge of your shoe catches the pavement wrong and your entire ankle flops sideways.... this is coincidentally the last time these shoes were probably worn. my best friend once shoe flopped right into a light pole and we were sober- another true story. when you shoe flop- there is an unspoken rule that you have to turn around and pretend to look at the huge crevice that you stepped in. and i did. i glared at that 2mm crack in the pavement like it actually broke my mamma's back! luckily, i am quite suave and i am sure that i made the shoe flop look cool.....

the shoes carried me safely home without further incident, but i am blistered and wondering HOW i was able to dance in those things at one time (the memories of that came rushing back post-shoe flop so maybe i uncovered some unconscious denim wedge animosity). they are now banished again to the island of misfit shoes until a day that i just have to stand and be eye candy.