A look into the great chaos that is my life as a part-time professor, part-time chiropractor and full-time mommy! I may share my passions for health, food, the arts and learning in general or I may rant and rave, ask for help and in turn keep my sanity :)
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
and then i walked away
Today's post is based on "Change" a prompt given by the Red Dress Club, which, as of yesterday is now known as Write On Edge.... I hope I can find them for the linkup!!
On that day, I was done.
Eyes closed, I sat in the hard- backed chair wondering how exactly my dream had disintegrated within a few short months. I was in a nightmare.It hadn’t started out that way- though hindsight being what it is, I feel like I should have predicted the reality of the situation. The place had bad energy. Most of it came from one individual, but the whole building just felt wrong. I didn’t care- I had been so ready.
I fell into my position naïve and bright-eyed, professional and positive to a fault. Somewhere along the way, the smile became fake, the professionalism forced and all naiveté lost to cloudy eyes- a cloudy head. Nothing was as I expected it to be- each day was an uphill battle to be recognized, be understood, to even be me. The “me” got lost in avoiding the wrath of her.
Snide. Unreasonable. Mean.
She was supposed to be helpful- to run a tight ship in a healthy way, except she just didn’t. Of course her colors only came out around the other co-worker and me, never around the boss. She said we were alike as if to explain the reason our psyches clashed, but we are not alike. I could never be so cold.
“What are you? Stupid??” She taunted in the other room. As my jaw literally hit the floor, my ears didn’t register words of a rebuttal, just some stammering and frustration at another onslaught. That poor woman needed the job so much that she took the battering day in and day out. My eyes swam with tears and I decided that I didn’t need my job so much.
I was a professional and damn good at my job. There was still enough me in there to know that I could do better- that I could reclaim positivity and light. And so I did, on that day.