Tuesday, August 16, 2011

and then i walked away

Today's post is based on "Change" a prompt given by the Red Dress Club, which, as of yesterday is now known as  Write On Edge.... I hope I can find them for the linkup!!

On that day, I was done.

Eyes closed, I sat in the hard- backed chair wondering how exactly my dream had disintegrated within a few short months. I was in a nightmare.  It hadn’t started out that way- though hindsight being what it is, I feel like I should have predicted the reality of the situation. The place had bad energy. Most of it came from one individual, but the whole building just felt wrong. I didn’t care- I had been so ready.

I fell into my position naïve and bright-eyed, professional and positive to a fault. Somewhere along the way, the smile became fake, the professionalism forced and all naiveté lost to cloudy eyes- a cloudy head. Nothing was as I expected it to be- each day was an uphill battle to be recognized, be understood, to even be me. The “me” got lost in avoiding the wrath of her.

Snide. Unreasonable. Mean.

She was supposed to be helpful- to run a tight ship in a healthy way, except she just didn’t. Of course her colors only came out around the other co-worker and me, never around the boss. She said we were alike as if to explain the reason our psyches clashed, but we are not alike. I could never be so cold.

“What are you? Stupid??” She taunted in the other room. As my jaw literally hit the floor, my ears didn’t register words of a rebuttal, just some stammering and frustration at another onslaught. That poor woman needed the job so much that she took the battering day in and day out. My eyes swam with tears and I decided that I didn’t need my job so much.

I was a professional and damn good at my job. There was still enough me in there to know that I could do better- that I could reclaim positivity and light. And so I did, on that day.


Honest Convo Gal said...

Good for you. You stood up to abuse. You decided that you were worth more than that-- because you are. Way to go! One small writing post from TRDC or WTE or whatever we are now!! You wrote : "Her colors only came out around the other co-worker and I." The correct way to write that is "Her colors only came out around the other co-workers and me. The easy way to know whether to use me or I is to read the sentence without the other person and see whether you would use I or me. But silly grammar aside, I LOVE this piece and appreciate your bravery.

Karen said...

Good for you! That kind of environment and those kind of people can be soul killers. So glad you found your way out. :>

Jo said...

yes i know the rule- just a mistake due to writing from the heart. thanks

angela said...

I am so glad that you left a toxic environment like that. I think it takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself and remove yourself from an unhealthy job situation. It can be scary to walk away from a job, but it can also be the healthiest move to make.

Anonymous said...

Go you! What a horrible environment. I rode out an unpleasant (nothing as bad as this) situation for over a year. Things improved a lot, but sometimes I wonder if that was my big "take this job and shove it moment."

Laura said...

Beautiful. So much showing, so little telling. Your ability to convey that you were discussing a work situation is the epitome of good, descriptive writing.

Visiting from the RemembeRED linkup. :)

Jo said...

thank you for the kind words! it was definitely an experience. i totally called my husband and said i just couldn't do it anymore- his reply was "quit". so good to have the support from home!