Thursday, August 18, 2011

but i didn't want sirens showing up at my place of business......

so i give up.

i officially am throwing in the heinous detox towel today. i simply can't do it anymore aaaand i am fairly sure that if i was not a healthcare professional and "know what i am doing" (i would be a terrible patient btw), i would've officially checked into the ER last night.

out of nowhere i started feeling really off- i mean really truly weird- like i was wasted, but not in a fun we're half naked on spring break kind of thing. dizzy and fuzzy around the edges. i was even running into stuff. the first thought- brain tumor.
laugh if you will, but that is where my mind (tumor-free or not) always goes because my family grows brain tumors. it's a fact- i am sure my mom is in a textbook somewhere with a black bar across her eyes.

second thought- aaron poisoned me.
no i'm kidding. i didn't think that, but i did wonder if that sparkling cranberry juice sample that came in the mail was laced with something.

third and final thought- this damn, freaking, piece of shit, stupid detox has got to stop.
my electrolytes had to be out. of. whack.
i did it to myself because i was still doing the "diet" and taking the supplements but i started bailing on the shakes, which are kind of what keeps everything in balance even though you are messing with everything else. they are gross and i couldn't drink anymore so bam. wandering drunkenly around my house after two minions.

i am detoxed enough- the final count: 15 days (if you don't count the gatorade that i drank last night and the handful of salty tortilla chips to "restore myself"- it worked btw- i felt better within an hour) of no grains, no dairy, no sugar. no seeds or nuts or red meat or processed foods. no fun. no chicken or even fish for 11 days. 875 disgusting shakes- i might be exagerrating that total. 900 dollars worth of produce and juice- that is probably true. 9 pounds. 3 days of headaches. no more chemicals in me but no fun.

i have smiled more today than in two weeks, but i am not sure if that's because my body feels better in its new no-toxin state or because i am eating lasagna for dinner (with a salad- geesh don't judge).

1 comment:

RaRa said...

I don't know how you did it. Glad you're back to your sanity!