do you ever feel like everyone is judging you?
i do on a very regular basis- maybe that makes me a narcissist or just paranoid. i am not sure but i wish you'd quit looking at me like that!
N recently started at the learning center of the college i teach at. it seems like it is going to work out pretty well for him, but i am not sure about me. the woman in charge is one of those people who seems super sweet and is really soft spoken and smiley and basically just meant to hang out with the kiddos because her adult social skills are a bit off. i think she is a judger. each time we speak, i feel like she wants to laugh at me for being such an idiot parent. i said that N was excited to come and has never been in a group setting. "mmmmhmmm" she mumbled with a sly smile and a nod while i heard "oh so i suppose you think you've been a good substitute for my impeccable learning cener, organized play and unlimited access to creative explorations".
seriously- she was thinking that- i just know these things. i am kind of a mind reading ninja.
it went on and on. for everything i said, she had an imaginary and silent retort for me. and so by the time i left our second meeting, she was on my list. BUT the center is great! and the teachers are great! and N is gonna love it- but that lady..... i just know she hates me.
well.
thursday was his first day. he was "pumped". his words, not mine :) he had a great day, i think. according to his teachers, he was the only one who didn't take a nap. he used the bathroom 17 times (it is a novelty with its short little toilet and sink). he was unhappy that his new best friend Bryan wouldn't share his dinosaur but he was happy with his day. he didn't want to come home. lady in charge gave me a sideways glance and acted shocked when i told her that N usually doesn't nap until 2 or 3 so again, i felt judged. it is tough work being such a crazy perfectionist.
and then there was today. i stopped in after my class just to see how things were going though i expected to leave and run some errands before coming back for him. BUT he wanted to come home since my mom was at our house. i wasn't going to tell him "no you have to stay at school" when the awesomeness that is his nana was hanging out at his house wating to shower him with fun and affection. so i took him out. apparently they don't like it when you remove them before the super special lunch comes. but seriously, why care?? i already paid for a whole day so let's not freak about having one less little person around for the afternoon. i mean, in the very least, we opened up the bathroom a bit for others to use. SHE gave me another one of those little faces and though i avoided showing her where N got his backtalking skills from, we did hightail it out of there.
and then it came to me suddenly on the drive home that though i marked NONE in the "allergy" section of his enrollment forms, N does in fact have a significant allergy issue with cow's milk! and by significant, i mean that he has been known to have his eyes swell shut.... that would certainly result in a frantic call to the incompetent parent who would have to pretend to be appalled and freaked out and sad to leave my job to retrieve the invalid. it gets better very fast so don't think i am being insensitive to his plight but honestly, HOW did i leave that off?? i guess we are just so used to giving him goat or rice or almond milk that it never occurred to me that other people kinda get theirs from a cow... especially in a daycare type environment. failure by me. point for ms. hannegan of the learning center.
we make it home. we play, we eat. we nap. we eat. we argue. we play outside. a good day overall and then....
and then, of course, N falls face freaking first into the ridiculous rock grotto that the previous owners built in our backyard (and that we haven't been able to pull from our yard lest we lose a bumper off our car or break a sledge hammer or something). he has a HUGE mark on his cheek and some new scratches. good thing it is almost a week until N has to make another appearance at school, or the meanish, super-nice faced, childlike voice lady would have me arrested for abuse.
and then who would buy my poor kid goat milk?
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