it's like there is this little voice telling me that i am a failure if i don't get my darn Christmas pictures posted to the facebook. as if my friends cannot live without a glimpse into the plague infested stupor that was my holiday. but the voice wins- naptime doesn't last forever. i will have to blog the Christmas adventures another day. but don't judge. we are watching you...

my little performer

This hat was once my pants- as in my actual pajama pants when i was a wee little A sized girl. I just think that's fantastic... and the perfect piano concert attire.

eat 3 pounds of this and call me in the morning

today is a real day off!! well, not totally because i do have a patient later but it's a friend and i might not even change out of my yoga pants. we are that classy around here. two more days of finals but this is a GRAND hiatus with all my grades done and submitted thus far.

and i am more or less over my weight gain freak out, which is evidenced by the glorious caramel corn that is rolling out of my kitchen this afternoon. but it doesn't matter even if i still wanted to be skinny because popcorn is healthy :) ignore the TWO STICKS of butter in each batch. it is spread over an entire batch anyway and it's not like i have ever sat and ate an entire batch in one day.
only 3/4 of a batch...
i realize that is about as solid of an argument as making cookies with whole wheat flour and pretending they aren't still cookies. i own that approach though so my brain acknowledges it as truth.

i am planning on posting the recipe although it is kinda a family trade secret so i feel strangely strange about it like i am the dog in the busch's baked beans commercial. i'll have to keep the run cake recipe a secret though- anything that is a dessert and a drink all in one could take down countries or something and we all know that i am already an enemy of the state mansion and its clock occupants.

this is a rambler, isn't it? anyway- i am just happy to have a little breathing room today and the thought that i can Christmas my tail off in two more days makes me almost giddy... or it could be the caramel corn sugar. either or, i'll take it.

i need to keep those appendages

in the true spirit of continued self-deprecation, i feel inclined to mention that today's sweater makes me look about 40 pounds heavier than i actually am. however, it is also the only thing in my closet that makes me feel warm enough to avoid losing fingers and toes.

so thank you sweater for your warmth... and added poundage.

Sweater: Kohls; Belt/Striped Top: Target

i also don't match- but whatever. it is the third to last day of work for awhile so i am not caring very much. at least not enough to prevent putting a picture of me online in non-matching, non-flattering work attire. it's your fault- i just figured i had to give you a visual.

regardless, thank you sweater for your warmth.

hmmm... unexpected or maybe a little bit expected

i awoke today with the grandest of sweet plans. no work until the PM and two weeks out (seriously people two weeks) from the Christmas calls for some cookie engineering.

and then i stepped on the damn scale!!! it has been AWHILE. and i could blame it on those silly little fluctuating female hormones or on my children who probably broke the scale... i did start out at the 100 mark instead of 0 because it would have taken too long to scroll all the way around to fix it. but let's take a moment to acknowledge that i did just yesterday admit to knocking over a giant clock.
with my ass. i had left that part out.

hmmmm. so baking jumped right off the day's agenda and we can pretend like it won't mysteriously appear somewhere else on this week's schedule. the oven is going to get used though, i made a lentil loaf... because it will taste like caramel corn. or maybe because it is meatless monday and i have a rear stuffed with random pounds that showed up on the scale.

sooooo, the moral of the story is do not weigh yourself before you bake.

incidentally you should also not weigh yourself after you bake... unless it's a lentil loaf

the post that concerns the entire bi-state area

i have crazy blog envy. or maybe blogger envy. idk. all i know is that i can't get myself to do it (the bloggy blogging) man!
i am reading amazing, happy, super-excited-that-it-is-the-Christmas season blogs. and though i AM actually super-excited-that-it-is-the-Christmas season, i just can't seem to sit down and form any happy little blog posts.
i just need to get through the next week.
i think.
i KEEP saying that. please baby Jesus let it be the case.

it is not that i have no material, honestly i do- you're looking at THE girl who knocked over an enormous grandfather clock in the middle of a freaking holiday concert at the governor's mansion... and yes i heard about it from everyone in the bi-state area... and yes as soon as i did it i thought what a fantastical blog post i just paved the way for. but so far i haven't written a thing about it.
maybe next week.

this week i am buried in grading and prepping and rescheduling patients around madness. my kids are all amped up on holiday cheer and hot chocolate and i can hardly keep up. we have been BAD, very bad about going to church lately and when i pictured my church-going self chucking a very squirmy and squealy toddler off the balcony in the middle of mass today i remembered why... at least i would have been close to the confessional.

i'm not sure why i felt compelled to share that piece of insanity (maybe you can all pray for me or send me positive vibes or do whatever it is that will help me) but that is the current state of my mind. and i better get it together soon because the governor's secret service guys have got their eyes on me!!

hmmph...

i had the most bizarre feeling all day today.
i just felt... wrong.
disconnected.
i didn't feel any real sense of purpose other than feeding my children. though they still have full bellies, they are also still in their pajamas and it seems pointless to change now with bedtime on the horizon.

i kept frowning, wondering... what was wrong with me and suddenly i had a smashing revelation.

I WAS BORED!

i have not felt bored since i was 17 years old.
although that is surely an exaggeration, it has been quite some time.
one more week till finals and Christmas break and i may FINALLY be figuring out how to balance all the madness.
except none of our 18 loads of laundry are folded- but they are clean so that is balance enough... at least for a woman in the same sweatpants as yesterday.

what a difference two years makes!

AND NOW I WANT A TACO!!! memories...

pass the cuppa

it is really early. i hate early.
although i must say that the quiet is nice! as are the Christmas trees and decorations- that is the best part about having done that home tour- the house is now lovely for the season and it is just barely December.
after today, there is ONE more week of classes before finals and it can not come soon enough. this semester has been terribly hard. i made a mistake in taking on that many hours- my teaching has suffered, my organization skills tanked and my children have grown four months worth without my being able to enjoy it because i was so caught up in getting through this madness.
oh well. live and learn.
nex semester will be different- i am going back to my old "happy" schedule and though the pay will be less, so will the commute, the stress and the wishing. back to two whole days of snuggles and giggles per week and back to knowing what class i am lecturing in. i am excited.
and back to blogging. i have been so absent with nothing to talk about except for home tours and biology. that is not a blog i'd like to read (or write actually).

it's been awhile blogger but i haven't been resting

i am still alive.
if anyone ever asks you to put your home on a Christmas tour, just turn around and run away laughing maniacally.
or you could appreciate a challenge and say yes. you will still be laughing maniacally, only it will be 4:00 am and you will be covered in pine sap and glitter, driven purely by caffeine and determination. you may or may not hem all of the curtains on your ground floor the night before the house shows and you certainly will not be able to afford groceries for two weeks. white lights and pine cones are expensive!
i went with option two.

let me point out quickly that i have a very normal house.
very.

she (my house is a girl) is not huge or new.
in fact, she is almost 100 years old.
she is storied and lived in. and she needs work like most old things.
we in contrast are quite young. and we have kids. that means that at least some of our furniture is broken, some of our carpet is stained and all of our bank accounts are an eensy bit strapped.
when they asked me to be on the tour, i asked if they knew where we lived.

they did. our house is old and storied, remember? historical, if you will.

anyway- that was a big digression. the point is that me and my house have a complex. we feel a little self-conscious around all these huge, new and beautiful homes and we didn't want to be the "crap" house on the tour so i got all stressed.
i think we did pretty good though. here are just a few pictures of a few rooms. we currently have five trees up though one is teetering on the brink of toddler destruction.

the pictures don't do her justice. they really don't, but i think you'll agree that the old girl cleaned up pretty nicely ;)
for an old broken down home with a young and broke family...

It was an exhausting weekend.

But it was good.



Hanging out in the bathroom around hour 4...



a big day for a little lady

we have pigtails, folks. pigtails.

i am fairly sure that she thinks they are pretty rad. since she usually pulls every ribbon, clip and bauble out, the fact that these stayed in all day are a testament to their uber-coolness.

pigtails.

she has arrived :)

Linking up today with A Dance For Five's Cherishing My Memories just for kicks and stuff :)



Ten On Ten [11.10.11]

Yesterday was my one year Blogoversary. Is that lame?? Regardless, thank goodness for this blog- sanity saving. I have learned many many things, one of which is that I am not really a generic blog hop kind of girl. I'm just not into the "i'll follow you if you follow me" thing.
But what do I love? Good link-ups like this one! So much creativity- it makes me happy.

One photo per hour for ten hours on the tenth of the month- hope you enjoy my day ;)

Off to the babysitter- Hiding from the paparazzi

STOP. On the way to work.

Two trees. What. A. Contrast.

Marking tape for the Anatomy Lab

Skeleton and Chalkboard. In other words- my afternoon.

Nothing saves a commute like a pumpkin spice anything

Darkness comes early now

Welcome Home Momma!

Dinnah

A little light reading with friends :)

I must admit that I skipped a few hours in there while at work cause I was just too busy to take photos, but this is a pretty good representation of my day. Happy November!
PS- I will also never be a review blog. I like the personal.

did we ever leave??

This last weekend, my husband was the chosen director/conductor for a state honor choir and he was amazing as always. The concert was actually held where we went to grad school together so I spent the day driving around and visiting all the old haunts and thrifting while he rehearsed.

It's strange how much a place can just transport you back- pull out memories- and make you smile or cry. I have not been there in almost 7 years and it is the SAME.

Although it was my very very easiest two years of school, it was also my hardest. I missed my girlfriends. I missed the theatre. I missed my old routine, my old city, my family.
I missed my boyfriend.

He was there with me, except he wasn't. While I had two years of academic coasting with self study, thesis writing and sleeping in, he had his most ridiculous, hardest and humbling two years ever. He was a very different A than I had known before and the whole experience was very hard on our relationship.
We questioned our plans, our paths and ourselves.

So really, it's strange, because I sure felt a lot of nostalgia for a place I liked so little. While driving and walking around with the old college breeze on my face I even saw our old landlady... seriously. She was in her truck smoking her same cigarette and wearing the same sour expression over her make-up.
My my my how the world keeps turning when you move on!

And that is why I think I smile on this place now, because even though it was a dim(mer) spot in my history, it marks an integral part of A and my relationship, crucial even...
This was the place where we realized our "perfect" romance has some faults. Where we thought about losing each other.
Where we didn't.
This place was where we stopped being kids and started life. Where we realized that a storybook is only interesting if the plot thickens and that true love stories can't end, but will certainly move forward.
This place was where we cast off our independence on each other but still clung to our future together- and that is a great place- comfortable in our our skins, strong enough to face a future alone, but better, much much better together!

obligatory halloween post: fun! candy! stress!

and so it goes......
today i cleaned up my Halloween decor and put out some harvest stuff. I love this time of year, but am going to get a little neglectful on the house decorating to save it all up for the Christmas extravaganza that has to roll out a little earlier than usual this year (more on that later).

We had a super great Halloween- all October actually. I think there is no better place to be in October than here. Weather is perfect- cool nights, warmish days and leaves that change ALL month. It is spectacular in these hills! I always get into the Halloween "spirit"

Exhibit A: My mantle (ignore the hideous fan.... a switch out is on the to do list)

Halloween itself was a fun day. N dressed up as a crab, and seriously a truer costume has never existed :) Of course, crustaceans are hard to come by so I made his costume myself. It looks much more impressive than it really is- it was barely a challenge and I am sure it would have only held up for a few more hours, but it did the job and he loved it. The hardest part was figuring out the shell- I serioulsy lost sleep over what I was going to use. I went to the store the day before and bought 3 colored serving bowls to nest together like a spirally hermit crab shell. I glued them all together and was ready to fashion then to his shirt when I spied the random cardboard pizza pan from a pizza mom had brought with her.... and it won. I sprayed it with a little paint, left it stained with sauce and rubbed rotting brown walnut skins over it (from the backyard)... so his shell is totally earthy and refined. Wish I would've noticed it before I ruined the 3 bowls but what can you do?? Also, I realize I am two legs short.... sue me, I got sick of sewing!

What can I say, the kid rocks!

A was Minnie Mouse, a costume that occured by default when she freakishly left on a Walmart bought Minnie balaklava for two hours one night. Since she won't leave in bows or hats, I thought I'd run with it and made her a cute little polka dot dress and skirt out of a pair cheap fleece pj pants- it was perfection and enough for me to call my mom and exclaim "did you know i can sew?!?"

Great view of the back alley, I know. It is hard to get her to deliberately pose anywhere. This little rodent is the only kind allowed in my house!

Why I do this to myself is not a question that today's personality can answer. It was fun but time consuming. I guess I take issue in dropping wads of cash on a one night only outfit.... granted I may have spent more on the homemade duds but at least they can be taken apart and the pieces reused. We'll see if that happens though because N has decided that it is AWESOME to hit people with his crab legs and say "tickle tickle".

Trick or treating was fun! So was handing out candy and going to the Safe Halloween event at the school. All the resident here really get into it- get dressed up and sit on their decorated porches. It's wonderful, but then the holiday is dripping with Reeses Peanut Butter cups so you really can't lose! A's bucket got a little heavy for her but she pushed through and N is still on a sugar high.... I'd call it all a rollicking success!

 

the baseball title means two whole days acting like immature kids!

St. Louis is not JUST the number one crime ridden city in America... and honestly that isn't fair-- just depends on the neighborhood. most of the area is hubcap friendly and mug-free and if you are really nervous about it, you are totally allowed to conceal and carry ;) anyway, not just that, but also the greatest baseball city anywhere! and this weekend we are a little crazy! if you didn't hear (which i seriously cannot even fathom), our cardinals just made one HELL of a comeback and won a little tournament called the World Freaking Series!!

My husband is a very small fan. In fact, he might leave me if Adam Wainwright would have him....

The last game got pushed to Friday because of a rain out earlier in the week and that was just fine because then we could actually go out like big kids and be festive with the drinking of spirits and such. It was not quite as heart stopping as the game the night before and we were also a tad worn down from staying up so late watching said game and then dragging ourselves to work the next day BUT it was still a great game- and who cares how it all went down- they won the World Freaking Series!
Side Note: I think it interesting that even though you can shout obscenities at a large tv screen in the presence of others and still appear completely mature, if you skip out on work the next day because you are oh so sleepy, that is frowned upon.... adulthood, hmmph.



So then after all that excitement, the boys got to have a super parade downtown today and we being idiots superfans thought they would miss our smiling mugs if they weren't there. We opted to ride the Metro down because we figured parking would be ridiculous, though we have never done this before in the history of the world. And now after experiencing the insanity that is Metro to and from insanity of a Cardinals World Freaking Series Parade, I can't for the life of me figure out why people don't just drive the damn car like we usually do- there is no way all those 14 zillion people were experiencing it for the first time. We have used it for other purposes, but I will never do that again for anything stadium related.

Once we finally got there, it was pretty fun, though you must be one who counts sitting on your husband's non-cheerleader shoulders in a cloud of smoke watching players roll by about 15 rows of people in front of you a fun afternoon. of course I live for that brand of adventure. I also like run-on sentences.

About 3 seconds later he said "I think I just herniated a disc"

In all seriousness though, we had a good time together this afternoon and are super super excited to claim the World Freaking Series champions as our own for the second time since we've been married. Also, our first child was conceived shortly after they won last time so I guess we better watch it lest we get another babe for summer and let the charismatic one win! And tomorrow is more excitement with Halloween- as if you don't know that. A will probably want to dress up as a Cardinal but I am sure he would much rather take home his teacher salary than be a World Freaking Series Champion in real life.... besides he couldn't carry me on his shoulders if he were actually IN the parade.

My camera decided to be a moody teenager about 5 minutes before King Albert rolled by. It is cranky when low on batteries as it should be, but it pulled together for a few more shots. His wife back there is totally spending his 20 quadrillion dollar contract for the next 40 years in StL in her head- look at her telling me to back off her man ;) Just kidding- I am sure she is a lovely person, but I am sure she has better shoes than me so I can't help but joke at her expense (pun intended)!!

We kept waiting for a child to come crashing down on our heads- they are not our kids folks!!

Thank you StL for being so awesome!

Who says crafting is hard??

It's a ten second project. How much could go wrong? ;)

Is that a trick question you ask? Of course it is.

Besides being cute, easy and festive, these little ghosts are a perfect example of how NOTHING is too user friendly when the monsters kiddos are involved!

Steps Involved:

1- Remove pants to decrease chances of paint accident (socks come off too obviously)

2- Paint thin layer of white paint on Thing 1's foot. Simultaneously ward off Thing 2 as she tries to plunge into paint. Retrieve her as she slips on the poster board that she is stomping on.

3- Pick up painted child and place foot firmly on paper- remind him not to slide it all the way across the poster board giving the appearance of a ghost smear. Stop unofficially painted child as she grabs the paintbrush and heads across the room.

4- Reprimand painted child as he WALKS ACROSS THE FLOOR. Remind self that although painted one is four years old, his reasoning skills are not quite there yet

4- Pick up posterboard and place on counter so it is "safe" while cleaning paint off the foot and floor

5- Breathe

6- Repeat foot painting, stamping and with second child. Note that she is remarkably easier to wield into the sink and that reasoning skills notwithstanding, Thing 1 is growing much much too fast

7- Dip q-tip into blue paint (because naturally my blue-eyed children would have blue-eyed ghosts)and demonstrate how to put eyes on the ghosts.

8- Hand q-tip to N who sneezes it onto the carpet with perfect timing. Blue paint 1 Carpet 0

9- Breathe Harder. Swear under my breath

10- Clean carpet. Wonder where Thing 2 went pantless

11- Watch as N successfully makes eyes (and arms?? a few of our ghosts had extra dots)

12- Praise excessively for a clean job well done.



a non-political but anatomical debate

this morning i was smothering my little munchkin with kisses. she LOVES kisses!
just tosses her face back and lets you devour her chubby little cheeks!
i hope someday she is not so fond of kisses from boys ;)
anyway i was giggling and smooching and suddenly caught a whiff of... "baby" smell. she hasn't smelled like baby in quite awhile and that is all it took for my uterus to shout at me!
does it want a baby again??
i am thinking that my brain does not... but that uterus is a leader- she has charisma! what if she recruits my heart to the cause? my heart is a yes girl... she hates the word no.
if my heart and uterus both say yes, my brain will likely lose. it's two to one.
my overwhlemed brain- she has issues. but she knows better, doesn't she??

what a downer.... negative nancy can only go up from here

i am failing.
this is a very hard thing for me to admit but i have never felt so out of control in my entire life. at the end of the day, it shouldn't matter if the dishes get done or a damn halloween costume get sewed. what should matter is that my kids feel safe and loved. that they have a mommy who spends time with them and leads by example- which is the exact opposite of this mess sitting here at the computer.
i have so. much. work to do.
i am so tired.
i am so sad.
this beautiful crazy and frustratingly strong-willed little soul has pushed and pushed lately. he is my clone. he is amazing. and he can piss me off like nobody's business. i am done for today- he just got sent to bed after one too many buttons got pushed. and now in the quiet i reflect on how all he heard from me today was negative. corrections. admonitions. i only got to spend 3 hours with him and i was mad the entire time. it was a night wasted.
we should be snuggling and laughing. except we are not.
because i am failing at the job i want to be best at.
and then there's the other one. she cries and cries if i am not holding her. she is 18 months old and has never been like this and i KNOW it is because i am suddenly gone all the time with this triple work insanity.
she won't sit in her highchair. she won't nap. she won't let me out of her sight.
she won't share me.
when her "maamaa" overlaps with her brother's "mom! watch me" and the dog is barking at some non-existent sound, i think my head just might explode. but only because i am simultaneously trying to grade papers, bill insurance for patient visits and make dinner all with a smile.
perfectionism has long been my worst quality but lately i can't even be average.
i am even failing at keeping up my worst quality.
Lord help my babies- maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

i'll be climbing back on the blogger wagon soon

i've got nothin.
actually i have much to day- this is me after all, but i just don't have the energy to form a coherent post. i am crabby and forgetful (but i am not pregnant; bite your tongues!) and i need to go bed. but there has still been some magic in the air around here :)

Ten on Ten: 10.10.11

Today was a lovely "office" day. I saw some patients, cleaned some house and then gave a biology lecture this evening. I prefer more kids in my day, but these alone days are pretty necessary too ;) I'm linking up to ten on ten today with A Bit of Sunshine. You should too!

One photo an hour for ten hours...

Snapshots of my day:

1= TV as a babysitter so I can make breakfast

2= N's pumpkin masterpiece

3= Triumphing over the clip that I got in her hair (it stayed about 4 minutes)

4= My new orange mums

5= Snacktime

6= My office buddy

7= Summer is still hanging on in the details

8= Other office buddies that are much less loveable

9= Patients mean that I need to wear shoes in my house

10= Sky on the way to class